I feel sad, happy and mostly like I've wasted my life watching these. I keep making side notes to myself for when I die and go through my life review. Wouldn't it be cool if we had a friggin clue why we were born and what we are doing here when we are born? Wouldn't it be even better that when we finally think we have a clue, we end up dying before we get a chance to make a difference or do the loving we were meant to be doing? I found the hell experience interesting too. It's like his fear was more effective then the loving acceptance the others felt in their experiences.
I am inspired and feel more clueless then ever. I never want to come back, EVER. I REALLY need a break from this life experience thing - and just say NO to reincarnation. Fuck that. I totally felt the anger and disappointment when they were told they have to go back to their bodies while they were on the other side. Then that one adorable workaholic guy gets Cancer when he comes back from his heart attack? He was so amazing, he thought he was lucky enough to stay and suffer with excruciating Cancer so he could write his Blog to help people. HOLY CRAP! That is just so thoughtful of him don't you think?
How much suffering must we endure? How grateful must we be for our suffering? How does our suffering help others? What do we gain from a life full of confusion, rejection and suffering? Is it all about self-less-ness? How we can help others and forget ourselves? What if we never had ourselves to begin with? I feel like we are in some sort of virtual reality game that is some huge test. You get no clues along the way, it hurts a lot and you hope you are doing your best at figuring out what is right and wrong and what seems to make the experience a happy one.
I hope that my life review won't be as pitiful and sad as I imagine it will be up to now. I wonder what it will feel like to know love, pure real unconditional love?
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