July 20, 2017

You are enough

This showed up in my email this morning... 


You are enough, right now, exactly as you are. You don’t have to do anything to prove your worth. You don’t have to accomplish more, do more, or reach a certain level of success. You don’t have behave perfectly. You are worthy simply because you exist as a human being on this planet. There is room for you and all your messiness and confusion and pain.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all in this together; we are all just walking each other home.
Are you confused about your life purpose? You don’t have to figure it all out today or tomorrow or next year. Trust that you are living your purpose right now, that the questions are part of the journey and the journey is your purpose. You don’t need an impressive career. Whatever small or large thing you are doing now, changing diapers or cleaning houses or crunching numbers, it’s all important, it’s all perfectly part of the plan.
Are your relationships in shambles? Are you afraid you’ll be alone? Become really still for a moment and know you aren’t alone. Know that no one has this romance thing figured out. Even the people that seem like they do still go to bed lonely sometimes. Become really still and know that no matter who you are, no matter who you love, no matter what you’ve done, there is a love so much bigger than your romances. A love that holds this tiny planet together, a love that transcends time and space and understanding, a love that is you and that will always be with you. Let this love hold you.
Have you done something you think is unforgivable? Do you hide in shame and guilt? Come into the light, speak your truth, you will find the light shines kindly on those who seek help. Know that you were doing the best you could in that moment.
There are generations of abuse and lies and pain that many of us are fighting to rise out of and away from. So make your apologizes, release the guilt and shame and keep moving forward so we all can be free.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. In the end it will never get you where you want to go. Practice radical self- acceptance and self -love. Determine to love yourself so completely, so fully that everyone you come in contact with will feel loved simply by being around you.
Embrace your beautiful body. Show it love. Feed it well. Give it rest. Move it often. Love every bump and lump and stretch mark. They tell the story of you. The story of a human being traveling through life, a life marked by tragedy, exhaustion, new beginnings, endings, birth, successes, failures, countless lessons and adventures. All along the way your beautiful body is there for the ride, housing your spirit and witnessing your journey. Love your body.

And remember; you are enough, exactly as you are.

June 22, 2017

Broken compass

ANYONE CAN CHANGE, REALLY CHANGE.  IT STARTS WITH NOW.  IT STARTS WITH KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT, AND THEN CREATING THAT.  But what if when you get to where you know you are supposed to be and you decide to not go there?

I drive an art car this year that has Garden Gnomes that are flipping the bird, and giving "Bare Ass" to passers by.  I call it "Celebrating the Riff Raff of the Magical Kingdom", on wheels.  It's not as nice as the "Squirly Whirly Art Car", it's got an edge, it's naughty, bawdy and sort of pissed off.  It's saying something.

I realized today what it is saying.  I am saying to the drivers who see the car, QUESTION REALITY.  SNAP OUT OF THE CURRENT STATE YOU ARE IN HERE DRIVING IN TRAFFIC AND LIGHTEN UP. When I see people start to laugh, I can hear Monty Python in my head saying, "And now for something totally different."  It's so off the wall, it's funny seeing people's reactions.  The Gnome are adorable and hysterical.  It's rolling sarcasm and sure comes in handy when someone cuts me off on the road.

I AM ALSO GIVING FATE & DESTINY THE FINGER. I AM SAYING FUCK YOU TO EGO, TO REDUNDANCY, TO HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF.  My Gnaughty Gnomes are cute, and very bad boys because they are following their path, the path they know that is right, but once they get to the precipice to choose:

1) To do the same thing as everyone else, history, ancestry, lineage or the establishment rulership requires, the culture or what society says you must do. I SAY NO. THE SILLY GNOMES SAY HELL NO, WE ARE GOING TO CREATE SOMETHING ELSE, SOMETHING NEW.  The Gnomes are saying, Fuck this system - let's go create our own thing.

2) They also are saying fuck you to the Ego, that non-stop voice in your head that NEVER has good advice or direction for you in your choice making.  Never believe anything that you say to yourself (Ego) when you are alone, sad or angry.  This is good advice.  Flip your Ego the Bird and know that usually, the Truth is the very opposite of what the Ego is telling you.  

You have a choice.  I think The Source of all life that is within us, really gets a kick out of novelty. When nature creates a new cell that mutates into something more fantastic and cool or writes a new genome.  We get to choose our own story no matter what destiny or fate try to push us towards.  This is not for the faint of heart. It takes balls to be bold enough to follow your heart's path all the way to the very second of crossing that line, and then turning a hard right or left instead.  WHY KEEP REPEATING THE SAME STORIES, ARCHETYPES, AND MYTHS?  Why keep remaking the same music or movies or traditions?  BORING!!!!!!

I always wanted love, a safe place to fall and home.  I wanted to be proud of my place in the world, physically and spiritually.  These have been eluding me for as long as I have lived so far.  I learned along my path that if I hang on too tight or push my will too hard, I mess it up. My ego is something to not take seriously.  Following my heart always felt right, but it was so broken from the start that it was like a broken compass.


I am rebel enough in my soul to create something truly new.
I used to really think I was broken, or that just because I had broken parents and a broken upbringing, that it made me somehow damaged. That was never true.  The Truth is, I did have a rough start and have shortcomings as a result, but I developed other qualities in my Being to make up for what was needed.  As a result today, I am much more capable than many I encounter in life.  I am not part of "The Herd."  What once was a broken compass, became an unnecessary crutch and reminder that I must trust my own self and way.

They say that when wounds heal, a scar is formed that makes it stronger than before.  Letting go of my broken compass has given me freedom to create something truly new and my scars give me strength to do it.  I live on instinct in the moment. I'm navigating my way.  I don't trust much in this low vibrational world, but I do know we can choose how we want to be, do and what we want to be remembered for after we leave this place.

It is hard to know if you are making the right decisions. It can be really a challenge to discern in your heart what is the next best steps in which direction to go.  THIS IS WHAT MAKES THE RIDE, A GREAT RIDE!  We are on the ride folks, and it's whatever you want it to be.  

Personally, I get it. I am a lover of the classics. I do melt with tenderness at the sight of true authentic raw human beauty.  It's hard not to return to the things that are great to re-experience. This is my love of jazz standards. Creating a new Genre is needed.  The genre of something that may be worth repeating that has not been created before.  This is how we heal ourselves and evolve to a better and more interesting place.

It sometimes can look like the Riff Raff at first glance, because the first steps to actually creating something novel and inventing something that has NEVER BEEN CREATED BEFORE, it takes breaking from the pack, the herd and trusting yourself.  It takes saying fuck you to everything you were taught as truth, and bolding going out and finding your own.

Leonard Cohen said in Anthem, "There is a crack in everything,That's how the light gets in."  


Let your light shine through your cracks until it burns away all of the programming of the thousands and thousands of years. CREATE SOMETHING NEW AND BEAUTIFUL SO IT RINGS THE BELLS THAT RESONATE WITH THE TRUE LIGHT SOURCE OF THAT WHICH YOU ARE.  Say fuck you to the old stories and write something NEW, something that is actually worth the ride.  

If you find yourself sitting at a traffic light, and glance up at the SUV in front of you and it has ridiculous Gnomes glued to it and a sign that says... 

You could be getting punked by drunken garden gnomes.

...then you may be in that moment experiencing something way out of the normally of everyday life. It may make you say WHF, or laugh or just snap you out of the state you were in, and experience something NEW in that moment.  GO OUT AND CREATE AND FIND WHAT SNAPS YOU OUT OF THE TRANCE YOU ARE IN AND TAKE A DAY, A WEEK OR A YEAR AND DISCOVER SOMETHING NEW OR GO CREATE IT FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS TO ENJOY. It's a great way to live. Just to be left alone to create on our own without rulers or slaves, kings or queens or a hierarchy.

Anarchy is not not chaos even though it can look like it when long overdue change happens at first. Many believe that without rules there's chaos, and there is chaos in the world, but not all bad comes from it.  We also find Art, Hope, Love and Dreams. The world is remembering how to find the joy of creating new true novelty by trusting in themselves and finding balance.

Anarchy is living in a paradigm that has no slaves or masters - true free will. Rules and being ruled also has stifled and almost killed off true creativity in this world.  Without real freedom to create something new, we do not evolve forward as we were intended.  This ride becomes a prison and as dull as the limited masters that try to convince us that they rule over any of us.  Say goodbye to the Hierarchy. YOU ARE FREE.  THERE IS NO SCRIPT, OR FATE OR DESTINY. YOU ARE WHAT YOU DECIDE. Imagine what you would create if you knew you could design anything without living with so many rules and limitations?   

You are a sovereign Being at the precipice of change. I dare you to do one thing you have never done before at least once a day, and see what happens as you begin to remember what it means to really be alive and enjoy it!

February 19, 2017

I am infinite.

I have a pine cone on my desk that I found in a park near by.  Every time I look at it, it reminds me of my infiniteness and connection to True Source.  When I look at the Fibonacci patterns in the pine cone, I am reminded that every cell of my Being, is a fractal of the whole that Is the living energy of True vibrating life.  Every vibrating cell in my body is a Universe.  I AM AN INFINITE FRACTAL OF THE TRUE SOURCE.   I have no beginning or end.  I am Infinite.

This arrived in my inbox this morning...
You are a Child of the Universe
Th19 Feb 2017/by Nan Lu/in Brilliance
At the spiritual level, being born is a monumental achievement beyond words. We come from unconditional love; when we leave here, we return to this state of being. Arriving here, we’ve already agreed that our body will follow Universal law, that is, every living thing in this reality must be born, grow and die. Throughout our lifetime, balance and harmony in body, mind and spirit are the keys to living well. The mind’s an impressive tool, but if we’re open, our body and spirit are far better interpreters of reality. Think of it, our genetic code carries thousands of years of wisdom passed down from our ancestors. This deep knowledge is actually cellular knowledge. Our spirit exists beyond this reality but casts a shadow within it. This shadow is not your true self. Your true self is unlimited; you exist beyond the bounds of time and space. Many religions and spiritual practices tell us this. Astonishingly, modern science tells us the same thing. It says each dimension is a reflection of a higher one. Look at your own shadow. It’s not really all of you. It’s only a reflection of who you truly are. In the same way, your solid body isn’t really the whole of you either. It’s a reflection of your existence at a higher dimension.
No matter which way we choose to look at ourselves, we each exist, connected one to another, in the invisible energy field. Here inseparability is the only reality. Our body, mind and spirit are one. All seven billion of us on this Earth are one as well. In our world, we use our mental faculties to puzzle out many things that are beyond reason. If we only rely on our five senses, we miss experiencing Oneness and the amazing energy beings we are. There is, however, a special sixth sense we are born with that connects us to the Universal love of All That Is, or however you name or connect with this higher power. The sixth sense communicates to us through intuition, dreams and nonconsciousness states. In the deepest way, you are a child of the Universe—always connected to its love and light. Each of your cells vibrates with creative energy. Can you look at your life with happiness and joy knowing you are the unique harmonization of Heaven and Earth?
 Every vibrating cell in my body is a fractal of the Universe.

The Universe is a Fractal. Existence is Consciousness. Everything is Aligned.

January 23, 2017

Happy New Year World!

After 2016, my personal year of "7" and major health improvements, and quiet introspection. I did a lotta that!  Can one read too much non-fiction?  I healed myself inside and out.  Lost some body parts and gained some knowledge and wisdom.  It's been 9 years since the last man I loved died.  I was able to let him go and finally find peace in my heart.

I have a new lease on life for 2017!  I am in a personal year of "8" and it feels outstanding!  My Mo Jo seems to be working.  I'm going through some fun Rockabilly phase right now and totally digging it.  It's like boys be trying to get me like crazy this month so far. One shift in my heart somehow turned on my love light again.


My mind is clear, my body feels new.  I feel power in my softness. I am grounded, focused and maybe it's beginning to show on the outside this year. My weight-loss success is helping my confidence too.  

I'm happy to be alive and full of joy. After a long romantic hiatus, I am grateful for this moment and the possibility of sharing all of this love, joy and happiness with someone intimately this year.  9 years is a long time to never passionately kiss a yummy mans sexy lips. I miss that most of all.



November 20, 2016

Lucky Number 7

Jeez man, I am feeling better everyday since my hysterectomy surgery.  I am also on HRT patch and I'm finally feeling normal again.  I was suffering for so long, I forgot what feeling good was like.  It's really all about the quality of life from here on out and teaching our future generations about how to make better decisions based on moral, ethical and virtuous standards and that the very belief in authority is causing the very chains that bind them.

I wished these meat suits lasted longer than 100 years a pop.  I am just starting to get a clue on how to love, live and make the world a more beautiful place.  500 years would be about right, maybe longer, but not full of hack-able nano chips, robotic parts and A.I. implants.  I want us to return to what we once were designed to be, before human DNA genome was downgraded into what it is today.  Our light bodies have many more capabilities than these meat suits will allow.

I am one of the more intuitive types. It feels like the frequencies in this reality are still changing, but stronger spurts are happening again.  I noticed it most in 2004, something huge shifted.  I am feeling it again this year, but in a better more forward motion.

Nature has a way of correcting itself. No amount of A.I. or sorcery can suppress the magnificence and power we have inside each one of us for much longer.  The State, Big Brother, the Man, the False light, the Demiurge, or whatever you want to call it. It isn't fooling anyone anymore.

The Real Revolution of awakening is happening, right now.  

The new generations of old beings have been brought here with a purpose.  My insights say as far as Great Awakenings go, that it will be the Seventh Great Awakening will be a rejection of all others before. It will end the current structure and be the beginning of true freedom for all of humanity.  I hope to live long enough to see it for myself.


November 6, 2016

sobbing orgasm

is it feeling infinity in every cell of my being?
is it sadness of love lost?
is it a second of seeing Gods face?
is it feeling for a perfect moment what being set free from this prison is like?
is it primal animal validation?
is it permission to let go?
is it remembering what joy really is when forced into deep unbridled pleasure?
is it a delicious robbery of his beautiful masculine essence that resonates with my feminine core?
is it the magic within the spark of life that makes me cry?
is it the stark pure truth of power within ones being in perfect celebration to all that is?
is it a deep release and apology to my soul for not allowing love into my heart for so long?
is it light breaking through my soul via my vagina?

it has been said with every bell that rings, an Angel gets his wings.  I say, with every truly great orgasm, a new form of life begins, either on this plane of existence or elsewhere.


September 20, 2016

12 Keystones to Reclaiming Your Happiness


As I looked back over my journey from fear to love, I discovered Twelve Keystones that I had to embody, or perhaps I should say master, so that I could reclaim my happiness and awaken to the truth of my magnificence. Through teaching about my experiences, I found they apply universally. I have shared them here!

You are the playwright of your own life! The backdrop for life is like a Magical Theatre, and as the star of the production, we are each free to create our own roles, changing them at will but first we need to investigate the myth, truth, and magic of our lives and discover what is working or not. Magical means anything is possible. We are limited only by our choices.

Your perceptions create your reality! What is real? Everyone in the Magical Theatre thinks they can personally identify objective standards of physical and emotional reality, when in fact everyone operates from a singularly unique point of view. We need to release the point of view that our subjective thoughts and emotions form the foundation of a fixed reality that can stand the test of time.

You are not the voices in your head! Who makes the decisions that run our lives? If we listen closely, we can identify fearful voices trying to direct the action of our life’s script. To escape their influence, we can turn to our own impartial observer, a compassionate and loving presence who is the eyes and ears of our heart and available to reliably make supportive decisions.

Self-love silences the critic! The dominant voice in any cast is the tyrannical critic—the inner judge who critically sizes up our every word, decision, and action. This punitive approach to self-improvement doesn’t work. What does work is to employ the efforts of our impartial observer and interrupt the criticism with an antidote of self-love. This begins paving the way for a more joyful and expansive life.

Free yourself from false beliefs! False beliefs perpetuate melodramas of unhappiness, keeping us entrenched in life-constricting myths and disabling us from playing a fabulous starring role in our own production. To gain freedom from insidious beliefs, we need to root them out and see that, although they’ve governed our reactions for a long time, they are lies. Beliefs born of fear cannot withstand the light of truth.

Sacrifice your mask to save your soul! Nearly everyone in the Magical Theatre presents a false persona of self-righteousness for fear of being seen as wrong. Removing the mask implies taking the position of no position, allowing the impartial observer within us to witness the situation without needing to change it. We must cultivate forgiveness for ourselves and others, releasing the need to be seen as right.

Be present in the heart of Now! Discovering our authenticity requires not a journey of self-betterment, but a sojourn into the heart of now. The present moment happens to be the only point in time where new choices can be made. The moment is all we need, for only in the present moment can we can take responsibility for our emotional experience of life. Being present in the moment helps us take emotional responsibility, dodge the dangers of denial and blame.

Patience is the fastest way to the authentic self! Self-awareness does not generally come in a flash of illumination; instead it requires patience for what matters is not speed but the absorption of wisdom. The path to self-awareness is like a spiral, a fluid progression of stages that leads an individual forward at the pace most advantageous to them. Rather than intellectually understanding each stage, we must actually experience the lessons in order to progress.

Use your voice to speak the truth! Honest communication originates in the heart, where the spark of divine wisdom resides. We need to learning to openly expose who we are and how we feel—regardless of the particular audience. When we express ourselves with candor, we discover the richness of our own authenticity. This authentic self-expression entails fearless articulation of the spirit of the divine at our core—and it all begins and ends with love.

Live from your heart to express your soul! The soul is our direct connection to the Divine, and it expresses through the heart. The soul is our abiding connection to the heart of the Divine Mystery. It communicates with all of creation through the heart, and we experience this expression as love. Love—not romantic love, but the soul’s love that flows directly from the heart of Creation—allows us to achieve the highest form of human possibility by living authentically.

Accept what is without need for improvement! Acceptance is the elixir at the core of awakening. Acceptance of ourselves, along with everyone and everything in the Magical Theatre, is the key that unlocks our awareness. Acceptance is an action that, unlike passive resignation, embodies the ability to lovingly release ourselves from attachment to the outcomes of events or situations. Active acceptance means removing the armor of defiance and trusting in the wisdom of the Divine Mystery.
All is perfection! Awakening from the illusion of fear offers the ultimate gift: we are a reflection of the divine spark, and are born whole and faultless. Acknowledging that we reflect the divine at work in the universe awakens within us the knowledge that love is our birthright, perfection our inheritance, and happiness our legacy.

September 1, 2016

The Golden Web ~ HIdden Knowledge of this Re-Ality

Here is an amazing learning and telling of many hidden meanings in our very language, by the brilliant and wise Greg Calise. He is amazing and has a great website Riverbank of Truth.

This is fun, mind opening and numbing.  If you like language, you are going to love these!
Part One

Part Two

Part Three

August 14, 2016

Being safe to be small and beautiful

I am having a paradigm shift in my self-image.  In the past, due to early childhood sexual trauma, I was afraid to be small and beautiful. 

I remember when my mother said to me once, 
“It is not safe to be beautiful for girls in this world.”

Although this was good advice considering I was a sweet and innocent 7-year-old child that and had just been repeatedly sexually violated by an 18-year-old babysitter that lived next door at the time, this belief did not serve me long term my life.

I was never a fat kid.  I was a skinny, socially active girl who rode her 10 speed bicycle to get everywhere.  When I started my first menstrual cycle, it was extremely painful.  My first period sent me into the ER and they put me on birth control pills at the age of 14.  This is when I began to struggle with weight gain. I was a physically active girl and after high school, I became an avid runner.  

I never had that hard of a time with my weight until my late 30’s.  I was always dieting, taking speedy herbal diet supplements, starving, binging, and trying every new diet fad out there.  I would gain 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds and then regain 30 pounds at a time. I did this for 30 years, gaining more as I went along. In 2008, I slipped and fell and suffered a head, neck and back injury. I was a fat mess with a pretty face. Secretly, being a little bigger made me feel safer and stronger. GO FIGURE. 

My closet has had woman’s dress sizes ranging from size 8 to eventually a size 28.  As I got older, it became harder to lose the weight and keep it off.  I always had big strong alpha male boyfriends that made me feel protected.  After a few heartbreaks and relationship disappointments, I took a break from romance to work on myself.  I spent many years in therapy healing the emotional issues from my childhood.  My only true comfort came from being a “Fine Foodie.”

I gave up on caring about feeling sexy and “Fuckable” and cared more about being wise and intelligent.  Living with dyslexia and the discovery of Kindle and podcasts to help me, I hit the books big time, studying every kind of psychology, sociology, psychohistory, mind skilled self-help, occult and ancient knowledge known to current times.  As my ass grew, my mind and knowledge grew also. 

Being fatter and less beautiful, made me less of a target to men.  Although I felt safer being big, I also hated it because I was not healthy, and didn’t like the way I felt.  I started having high blood pressure, knee problems from running all those years, my neck and back pain from the accident, heart and serious insomnia due to sleep apnea. It hurt to carry all that extra weight.

I finally went and had a Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy weight loss surgery in my mid-life.  This was the best decision I had ever made.  I then had the tool that would help me reduce the significant weight I needed and begin to find an emotional healthier balance to my core.

My weight loss issue was never about food, 
it was about being safe to be small and beautiful.  

After the first year I lost 70 pounds and began to plateau in my weight loss only half way to my goal.  I began to have extreme cramping, flooding (abnormal blood loss) and mood swings and other perimenopausal symptoms.  I went to my doctor to get my hormone tested and got an ultra sound.  They found a tumor lodged in the wall of my uterus that was causing the misery, but not in menopause yet.  I have healthy functioning ovaries and no family history of cancer. 

They did a biopsy on the tumor and luckily it was benign, but I would need to have it removed.  Hey approved a full laparoscopic robotic hysterectomy.  They put me on different strengths of birth control to try and help the symptoms until I get my hysterectomy, this greatly affected my weight loss success.  I had to stop taking them, which makes the dreadful agony of symptoms a living hell.  This is where I stand today.  I get the surgery date next week.  The one true saving grace for me are my wonderful supportive friends who are there for me and I am relying on a Ketogenic diet lifestyle to keep me on track. 

After a year of slowly getting “Smaller”, I have had to begin to deal with the core wound issue of feeling safe to be small and beautiful.  I did notice small hurdles of self-sabotage when men started to treat me different and people started to notice my transformation of new found confidence and energy. I needed to take it slow, and my weight fluctuated up and down. Being thin does not mean being weak or vulnerable. My unconscious mind began to make the necessary updates in my new beliefs.  

After losing 70 pounds, my sleep apnea and heart issues disappeared.  I was in less pain and sleeping better.  I started to take more pride and care in how I looked because it was becoming fun.  What I did not expect was that my age has given me a sense of new found protection. 

I’m past my prime and no longer a target to unwanted attention. 
I did not expect that would be such a life changing and welcoming realization.

Most woman are hating getting old, and I am feeling free to be beautiful for the first time in my life.  When they say life begins at 50, I can attest to that.  The smaller I get now, the younger at heart I feel.  There is liberation in being considered a “Cougar” or “MILF”!  WHO KNEW?  Wrinkles and smile lines are worn like badges of honor now.  Don’t get me wrong. When I achieve my goal weight, I am surgically getting my boobies attended too.  As they get permanently lifted, so will my spirits.  : )

I do feel the need to be skilled and fit enough to be able to defend myself physically if ever needed.  I do hope to find a loving fun man who can watch over and protect me. I just need to know I am safe in my own skin.  These are the next steps in my personal fitness and personal evolution:  To be an ass kicking jazz singing martial arts fancy pants mystery unveiling empowered soul with a strong lean girly body.  Booy Yaa!

STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES.

August 3, 2016

19 Principles to Strive For

1. Happiness and fulfillment come from getting the results you want – whether it’s developing personal relationships or changing the world. The path is seldom easy, but the formula for success is: 1) Know where you want to go 2) Take action toward that goal 3) Learn from the feedback to adapt your course 4) Take more action, and 5) Keep repeating these steps until you get there.
2. Small changes add up. Be endlessly curious, always look for opportunities to learn and improve. A slight change in your path today will lead to a massively different outcome down the road.
3. Live lightly and inspire others to do the same – together we will protect the planet.
4. See yourself as a leader, as a Force for Good. You are as you see yourself. Helping others feels good and creates a self-reinforcing cycle of goodness.
5. Surround yourself with ambitious peers. You become what you do and who you hang out with.
6. I am in complete control of my happiness. “Good” and “Bad” things don’t happen. Things happen – but they have no meaning other than what I give them.
7. Put health at the top of your priorities list. To live full out, to achieve your goals and be a positive force for good requires energy and vitality.
8. Always face reality, but look for the good, and humor, in it. Focus on opportunities (not problems).
9. Be different. Be out-standing – literally. Nothing outstanding ever comes from the norm.
10. Have a child, adopt a child or at least teach a child. I have found no greater joy in life than learning from, and helping, children.
11. Love because it feels good to love, not for what they give you in response. Love and relationships are the foundation for true happiness.
12. Everything we do, we do to seek pleasure and avoid pain. All human behavior is explained through this lens. Anger is simply a reflection of inner pain.
13. Pain is a great motivator – take advantage of failures and rejection to motivate you to improve. Don’t distract yourself or dull it. “The best revenge is massive success.” (Sinatra).
14. Make fear your friend. Fears reveal our true human needs. Turn fear into a powerful positive motivating force by finding empowering ways to meet those needs.
15. Knowledge is not power. Getting results is power. The more action you take, the more mistakes you make, the faster you’ll learn how to get the results you want.
16. We get what we absolutely need, never less, and usually nothing more. Raise your standards to improve your results.
17. Always go above and beyond what anyone would expect of you. It takes self discipline, hard work, and tenacity to be successful. Revel in those qualities, while recognizing results are the ultimate measure of success.
18. Amazing opportunities come via great accomplishments. Great accomplishments require breakthroughs. Breakthroughs mean entering into the uncomfortable unknown… so get comfortable with chaos.
19. Recognize your good fortune. Fill your heart with gratitude every day. If it weren’t for circumstance and luck – which could turn at any moment – you could be the one needing a helping hand.

by 

July 20, 2016

Living with Natal Venus square Saturn

A friend of mine asked me recently why it is I have not found romantic relationship in the last several years.  I have known Great Love once in my life.  Unfortunately, it did not last.  Since then, I have only ventured out to go on a date with three other incredible men in the past 19 years. One I am still good friends with and the other two each have died. One of a heart attack and the other of a hypertension condition.  Needless to say, I have been shy of dating since. 

Men have begun to come out of the wood work lately, and I want to open my heart and love again, but something is stopping me.  I took a closer look at Venus in my natal chart and found one very difficult aspect that certainly explain my dilemma - Venus square Saturn. I
magine what your heart is like with Venus in Scorpio. : o

I am lucky to have many other very positive Saturn aspects to counter this one awful one, but Saturn in my 4th house in Aquarius made my childhood a lonely, cold, unloving place. But I took good care of myself and made it through.  It's taken me many years of self work and self love to learn how to deal with this pain in the ass astrological natal aspect. 




The dreaded natal Venus square Saturn 

Venus square Saturn
Giving and receiving love are not flowing and natural for people born with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn. Blockages are experienced, and love relationships may be a source of frustration as a result, until the natives learn to love themselves, and to feel worthy of love from others. Duty is often associated with love, and some might find themselves stuck in a loveless marriage, for example. Especially in youth, these people might feel awkward in some social situations, unsure of how to express affections, and fearful of rejection. Problematic Saturn positions often get better with age, experience, and practice, however! In its more negative expression, some people with this position learn to scheme in order to get what they want from a partner, or they might treat partnerships as if they were businesses.
These aspects can make natives especially sensitive to “cues” that suggest they are not loved or rejected in some way. People with Venus-Saturn in hard aspect can often “expect” rejection in issues of love and care, whether they are conscious of this tendency or not. This can often lead to negative situations in love — and bad timing or the feeling of having “bad luck” in relationships.
People with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn might either downplay their physical appearance or pay excessive attention to it. Either way, self-consciousness with adornments is common. Often, people with this position sell themselves short. They are not risk takers when it comes to relationships, often choosing a path that they feel is safe, even if it is an uncomfortable one. Fear of giving can also express itself through tight-fistedness with money.
The key to handling these aspects is to learn to loosen up and relax. Know that you may be oversensitive to rejection — and try to gain some perspective when you feel your love is not being returned to your satisfaction. Are you truly letting love in, or is there a part of you that is scared? Could your expectations and “heaviness” in the area of relationships (you might take love more seriously than most) be getting in the way of accepting love and affection? Venus-Saturn people may have deep-seated feelings of being unworthy of love, even if they are able to rationalize and decide otherwise!
Venus square Saturn in the natal chart can be an uncomfortable aspect to live with but like other challenging Saturn aspects, potentially brings great rewards. The difficulty is that Venus is the pleasure principle and Saturn by its nature isn’t too interested in pleasure. For Saturn it’s all about work, responsibility, duty and a bit more work!

You may have been brought up to believe that you have to work hard for a living and put aside your own wants and desires. Maybe you feel that no matter how hard you work, you never seem to get any further. Often there can be an ingrained belief that money is hard to come by generating a poverty mindset. If you are creatively inclined, maybe you find it hard to believe you can make a living doing what you love. Perhaps deep down, part of you thinks that being an artist, writer, dancer or whatever you want to do is a cop out – not real work; not something worthy of being paid. This same aspect can be what propels you to become a master of your art as you discipline yourself to improve.

Because Venus rules harmony and pleasure, the square can at times trigger a melancholy response. Maybe you feel like you never get to do what you like. Your inner parental voice may tell you that you’re ‘not allowed’. Depression can result from deep-seated unhappiness. You may feel lonely yet hold yourself back from love for fear of rejection. People with this aspect can feel very unworthy of both money or affection.

You may find it difficult to relate. Maybe you feel like you’re never quite up on what’s going on socially. Perhaps sometimes you feel left out. You may feel awkward, self-conscious, shy or inhibited in social environments. Some people come across as aloof. You may have an underlying feeling of being dissatisfied in relationships and sometimes like you’re the one who does all the work. Perhaps you feel you have to earn the love of others or that love is never given freely: that there’s always a cost, expectation or obligation underneath those loving overtures. Deep down there can be a fear of rejection so strong that you put up defences to ward off the chances of it happening. Better to be lonely than to be rejected mutters Saturn. But in doing this, you ultimately reject yourself out of hand. Venus needs to relate so if she is denied, the pressure inside builds.

Sometimes, you may set yourself up for failure by setting impossibility high standards. Traditionally this aspect is said to denote disappointments in love. This may come from limiting your choices so much that it becomes impossible to find someone to meet your requirements. A long check-list of ‘they must be like this…’ leaves no room to bring the right person to you. Plus the check-list itself may be faulty, built upon your own fears and limitations. In a similar vein, your standards may be as low as your self esteem, accepting someone because anyone is better than no one. Venus and Saturn may be so concerned with ’til death do us part’ that it’s hard to get a relationship off the ground. Maybe you take relationships too seriously and forget how to just have fun.

Until your first Saturn return, you may be plagued by self doubt, wondering if you are good enough. You work harder, trying to make it ‘good enough’. And this is where the square can come into its own. It doesn’t let up. Squares require action. In feeling this inner tension, Saturn slowly encourages you to master the art of Venus, teaching you that you can relate; you can do what you love; you can earn a living and you are worthy.

The sign and house positions (as well as other aspects) give clues to the resolution of the Venus-Saturn square. Saturn shows where you need to show self-discipline, accept responsibility, face reality and work hard. Venus shows the area of life that gives you the most pleasure, where you need harmony in your life, where you may find financial gain and what/who you love. Essentially Saturn needs to learn when to back off a bit so that Venus can enjoy life and Venus needs to learn that not everything that does you good, feels good at the time.

Venus square Saturn working at its best means that you are a loyal and stable partner who takes responsibility for your own feelings. You don’t expect your partner to make you happy. You know that love is a verb and you are willing to put the work in to a relationship. You don’t give up when the going gets tough but at the same time, you know when to draw the line if things aren’t working out.

In the realm of finances, working positively, Venus square Saturn gives you the ability to make good financial investments. You tend towards quality over quantity and can also be good at hunting out a bargain. You are frugal without being mean and can save for what is important to you without feeling guilty once the money is spent. If you are so inclined, Venus square Saturn also gives you the ability to make your creative interests a real and tangible business.

The resolution to Venus square Saturn is an inner journey towards self-love. To know you deserve love and respect brings with it a healthy level of self-esteem which allows you to say yes to what you want in life and no to what you don’t want. Maturity comes when you no longer need the approval of others. Instead you are your own authority who loves and respects yourself. Over time you have the potential to discover partners that give without expectation of return, love that lasts and a recognition that the key to happiness lies right inside of you. All good things come to those who wait.

Celebrity Examples – Venus square Saturn speaks…
Dustin Hoffman – Venus in Cancer square Saturn in Aries
“I envy people who can just look at a sunset. I wonder how you can shoot it. There is nothing more grotesque to me than a vacation”
Jacqueline Bissett – Venus in Libra square Saturn in Cancer
“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful”
Oprah Winfrey – Venus in Aquarius square Saturn in Scorpio
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough”
Anthony Hopkins – Venus in Capricorn square Saturn in Pisces (out of sign but only by one degree)
“Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then.

I have always been a "Late Bloomer".  I hope with age comes wisdom and the time I have spent mending will hopfully be worth the wait for Great Love to enter my life once again.  It's really up to me.