February 19, 2017

I am infinite.

I have a pine cone on my desk that I found in a park near by.  Every time I look at it, it reminds me of my infiniteness and connection to True Source.  When I look at the Fibonacci patterns in the pine cone, I am reminded that every cell of my Being, is a fractal of the whole that Is the living energy of True vibrating life.  Every vibrating cell in my body is a Universe.  I AM AN INFINITE FRACTAL OF THE TRUE SOURCE.   I have no beginning or end.  I am Infinite.

This arrived in my inbox this morning...
You are a Child of the Universe
Th19 Feb 2017/by Nan Lu/in Brilliance
At the spiritual level, being born is a monumental achievement beyond words. We come from unconditional love; when we leave here, we return to this state of being. Arriving here, we’ve already agreed that our body will follow Universal law, that is, every living thing in this reality must be born, grow and die. Throughout our lifetime, balance and harmony in body, mind and spirit are the keys to living well. The mind’s an impressive tool, but if we’re open, our body and spirit are far better interpreters of reality. Think of it, our genetic code carries thousands of years of wisdom passed down from our ancestors. This deep knowledge is actually cellular knowledge. Our spirit exists beyond this reality but casts a shadow within it. This shadow is not your true self. Your true self is unlimited; you exist beyond the bounds of time and space. Many religions and spiritual practices tell us this. Astonishingly, modern science tells us the same thing. It says each dimension is a reflection of a higher one. Look at your own shadow. It’s not really all of you. It’s only a reflection of who you truly are. In the same way, your solid body isn’t really the whole of you either. It’s a reflection of your existence at a higher dimension.
No matter which way we choose to look at ourselves, we each exist, connected one to another, in the invisible energy field. Here inseparability is the only reality. Our body, mind and spirit are one. All seven billion of us on this Earth are one as well. In our world, we use our mental faculties to puzzle out many things that are beyond reason. If we only rely on our five senses, we miss experiencing Oneness and the amazing energy beings we are. There is, however, a special sixth sense we are born with that connects us to the Universal love of All That Is, or however you name or connect with this higher power. The sixth sense communicates to us through intuition, dreams and nonconsciousness states. In the deepest way, you are a child of the Universe—always connected to its love and light. Each of your cells vibrates with creative energy. Can you look at your life with happiness and joy knowing you are the unique harmonization of Heaven and Earth?
 Every vibrating cell in my body is a fractal of the Universe.

The Universe is a Fractal. Existence is Consciousness. Everything is Aligned.

January 23, 2017

Happy New Year World!

After 2016, my personal year of "7" and major health improvements, and quiet introspection. I did a lotta that!  Can one read too much non-fiction?  I healed myself inside and out.  Lost some body parts and gained some knowledge and wisdom.  It's been 9 years since the last man I loved died.  I was able to let him go and finally find peace in my heart.

I have a new lease on life for 2017!  I am in a personal year of "8" and it feels outstanding!  My Mo Jo seems to be working.  I'm going through some fun Rockabilly phase right now and totally digging it.  It's like boys be trying to get me like crazy this month so far. One shift in my heart somehow turned on my love light again.

My mind is clear, my body feels new.  I feel power in my softness. I am grounded, focused and maybe it's beginning to show on the outside this year. My weight-loss success is helping my confidence too.  

I'm happy to be alive and full of joy. After a long romantic hiatus, I am grateful for this moment and the possibility of sharing all of this love, joy and happiness with someone intimately this year.  9 years is a long time to never passionately kiss a yummy mans sexy lips. I miss that most of all.

November 20, 2016

Lucky Number 7

Jeez man, I am feeling better everyday since my hysterectomy surgery.  I am also on HRT patch and I'm finally feeling normal again.  I was suffering for so long, I forgot what feeling good was like.  It's really all about the quality of life from here on out and teaching our future generations about how to make better decisions based on moral, ethical and virtuous standards and that the very belief in authority is causing the very chains that bind them.

I wished these meat suits lasted longer than 100 years a pop.  I am just starting to get a clue on how to love, live and make the world a more beautiful place.  500 years would be about right, maybe longer, but not full of hack-able nano chips, robotic parts and A.I. implants.  I want us to return to what we once were designed to be, before human DNA genome was downgraded into what it is today.  Our light bodies have many more capabilities than these meat suits will allow.

I am one of the more intuitive types. It feels like the frequencies in this reality are still changing, but stronger spurts are happening again.  I noticed it most in 2004, something huge shifted.  I am feeling it again this year, but in a better more forward motion.

Nature has a way of correcting itself. No amount of A.I. or sorcery can suppress the magnificence and power we have inside each one of us for much longer.  The State, Big Brother, the Man, the False light, the Demiurge, or whatever you want to call it. It isn't fooling anyone anymore.

The Real Revolution of awakening is happening, right now.  

The new generations of old beings have been brought here with a purpose.  My insights say as far as Great Awakenings go, that it will be the Seventh Great Awakening will be a rejection of all others before. It will end the current structure and be the beginning of true freedom for all of humanity.  I hope to live long enough to see it for myself.

November 6, 2016

sobbing orgasm

is it feeling infinity in every cell of my being?
is it sadness of love lost?
is it a second of seeing Gods face?
is it feeling for a perfect moment what being set free from this prison is like?
is it primal animal validation?
is it permission to let go?
is it remembering what joy really is when forced into deep unbridled pleasure?
is it a delicious robbery of his beautiful masculine essence that resonates with my feminine core?
is it the magic within the spark of life that makes me cry?
is it the stark pure truth of power within ones being in perfect celebration to all that is?
is it a deep release and apology to my soul for not allowing love into my heart for so long?
is it light breaking through my soul via my vagina?

it has been said with every bell that rings, an Angel gets his wings.  I say, with every truly great orgasm, a new form of life begins, either on this plane of existence or elsewhere.

September 20, 2016

12 Keystones to Reclaiming Your Happiness

As I looked back over my journey from fear to love, I discovered Twelve Keystones that I had to embody, or perhaps I should say master, so that I could reclaim my happiness and awaken to the truth of my magnificence. Through teaching about my experiences, I found they apply universally. I have shared them here!

You are the playwright of your own life! The backdrop for life is like a Magical Theatre, and as the star of the production, we are each free to create our own roles, changing them at will but first we need to investigate the myth, truth, and magic of our lives and discover what is working or not. Magical means anything is possible. We are limited only by our choices.

Your perceptions create your reality! What is real? Everyone in the Magical Theatre thinks they can personally identify objective standards of physical and emotional reality, when in fact everyone operates from a singularly unique point of view. We need to release the point of view that our subjective thoughts and emotions form the foundation of a fixed reality that can stand the test of time.

You are not the voices in your head! Who makes the decisions that run our lives? If we listen closely, we can identify fearful voices trying to direct the action of our life’s script. To escape their influence, we can turn to our own impartial observer, a compassionate and loving presence who is the eyes and ears of our heart and available to reliably make supportive decisions.

Self-love silences the critic! The dominant voice in any cast is the tyrannical critic—the inner judge who critically sizes up our every word, decision, and action. This punitive approach to self-improvement doesn’t work. What does work is to employ the efforts of our impartial observer and interrupt the criticism with an antidote of self-love. This begins paving the way for a more joyful and expansive life.

Free yourself from false beliefs! False beliefs perpetuate melodramas of unhappiness, keeping us entrenched in life-constricting myths and disabling us from playing a fabulous starring role in our own production. To gain freedom from insidious beliefs, we need to root them out and see that, although they’ve governed our reactions for a long time, they are lies. Beliefs born of fear cannot withstand the light of truth.

Sacrifice your mask to save your soul! Nearly everyone in the Magical Theatre presents a false persona of self-righteousness for fear of being seen as wrong. Removing the mask implies taking the position of no position, allowing the impartial observer within us to witness the situation without needing to change it. We must cultivate forgiveness for ourselves and others, releasing the need to be seen as right.

Be present in the heart of Now! Discovering our authenticity requires not a journey of self-betterment, but a sojourn into the heart of now. The present moment happens to be the only point in time where new choices can be made. The moment is all we need, for only in the present moment can we can take responsibility for our emotional experience of life. Being present in the moment helps us take emotional responsibility, dodge the dangers of denial and blame.

Patience is the fastest way to the authentic self! Self-awareness does not generally come in a flash of illumination; instead it requires patience for what matters is not speed but the absorption of wisdom. The path to self-awareness is like a spiral, a fluid progression of stages that leads an individual forward at the pace most advantageous to them. Rather than intellectually understanding each stage, we must actually experience the lessons in order to progress.

Use your voice to speak the truth! Honest communication originates in the heart, where the spark of divine wisdom resides. We need to learning to openly expose who we are and how we feel—regardless of the particular audience. When we express ourselves with candor, we discover the richness of our own authenticity. This authentic self-expression entails fearless articulation of the spirit of the divine at our core—and it all begins and ends with love.

Live from your heart to express your soul! The soul is our direct connection to the Divine, and it expresses through the heart. The soul is our abiding connection to the heart of the Divine Mystery. It communicates with all of creation through the heart, and we experience this expression as love. Love—not romantic love, but the soul’s love that flows directly from the heart of Creation—allows us to achieve the highest form of human possibility by living authentically.

Accept what is without need for improvement! Acceptance is the elixir at the core of awakening. Acceptance of ourselves, along with everyone and everything in the Magical Theatre, is the key that unlocks our awareness. Acceptance is an action that, unlike passive resignation, embodies the ability to lovingly release ourselves from attachment to the outcomes of events or situations. Active acceptance means removing the armor of defiance and trusting in the wisdom of the Divine Mystery.
All is perfection! Awakening from the illusion of fear offers the ultimate gift: we are a reflection of the divine spark, and are born whole and faultless. Acknowledging that we reflect the divine at work in the universe awakens within us the knowledge that love is our birthright, perfection our inheritance, and happiness our legacy.

September 1, 2016

The Golden Web ~ HIdden Knowledge of this Re-Ality

Here is an amazing learning and telling of many hidden meanings in our very language, by the brilliant and wise Greg Calise. He is amazing and has a great website Riverbank of Truth.

This is fun, mind opening and numbing.  If you like language, you are going to love these!
Part One

Part Two

Part Three

August 14, 2016

Being safe to be small and beautiful

I am having a paradigm shift in my self-image.  In the past, due to early childhood sexual trauma, I was afraid to be small and beautiful. 

I remember when my mother said to me once, 
“It is not safe to be beautiful for girls in this world.”

Although this was good advice considering I was a sweet and innocent 7-year-old child that and had just been repeatedly sexually violated by an 18-year-old babysitter that lived next door at the time, this belief did not serve me long term my life.

I was never a fat kid.  I was a skinny, socially active girl who rode her 10 speed bicycle to get everywhere.  When I started my first menstrual cycle, it was extremely painful.  My first period sent me into the ER and they put me on birth control pills at the age of 14.  This is when I began to struggle with weight gain. I was a physically active girl and after high school, I became an avid runner.  

I never had that hard of a time with my weight until my late 30’s.  I was always dieting, taking speedy herbal diet supplements, starving, binging, and trying every new diet fad out there.  I would gain 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds and then regain 30 pounds at a time. I did this for 30 years, gaining more as I went along. In 2008, I slipped and fell and suffered a head, neck and back injury. I was a fat mess with a pretty face. Secretly, being a little bigger made me feel safer and stronger. GO FIGURE. 

My closet has had woman’s dress sizes ranging from size 8 to eventually a size 28.  As I got older, it became harder to lose the weight and keep it off.  I always had big strong alpha male boyfriends that made me feel protected.  After a few heartbreaks and relationship disappointments, I took a break from romance to work on myself.  I spent many years in therapy healing the emotional issues from my childhood.  My only true comfort came from being a “Fine Foodie.”

I gave up on caring about feeling sexy and “Fuckable” and cared more about being wise and intelligent.  Living with dyslexia and the discovery of Kindle and podcasts to help me, I hit the books big time, studying every kind of psychology, sociology, psychohistory, mind skilled self-help, occult and ancient knowledge known to current times.  As my ass grew, my mind and knowledge grew also. 

Being fatter and less beautiful, made me less of a target to men.  Although I felt safer being big, I also hated it because I was not healthy, and didn’t like the way I felt.  I started having high blood pressure, knee problems from running all those years, my neck and back pain from the accident, heart and serious insomnia due to sleep apnea. It hurt to carry all that extra weight.

I finally went and had a Vertical Sleeve Gastronomy weight loss surgery in my mid-life.  This was the best decision I had ever made.  I then had the tool that would help me reduce the significant weight I needed and begin to find an emotional healthier balance to my core.

My weight loss issue was never about food, 
it was about being safe to be small and beautiful.  

After the first year I lost 70 pounds and began to plateau in my weight loss only half way to my goal.  I began to have extreme cramping, flooding (abnormal blood loss) and mood swings and other perimenopausal symptoms.  I went to my doctor to get my hormone tested and got an ultra sound.  They found a tumor lodged in the wall of my uterus that was causing the misery, but not in menopause yet.  I have healthy functioning ovaries and no family history of cancer. 

They did a biopsy on the tumor and luckily it was benign, but I would need to have it removed.  Hey approved a full laparoscopic robotic hysterectomy.  They put me on different strengths of birth control to try and help the symptoms until I get my hysterectomy, this greatly affected my weight loss success.  I had to stop taking them, which makes the dreadful agony of symptoms a living hell.  This is where I stand today.  I get the surgery date next week.  The one true saving grace for me are my wonderful supportive friends who are there for me and I am relying on a Ketogenic diet lifestyle to keep me on track. 

After a year of slowly getting “Smaller”, I have had to begin to deal with the core wound issue of feeling safe to be small and beautiful.  I did notice small hurdles of self-sabotage when men started to treat me different and people started to notice my transformation of new found confidence and energy. I needed to take it slow, and my weight fluctuated up and down. Being thin does not mean being weak or vulnerable. My unconscious mind began to make the necessary updates in my new beliefs.  

After losing 70 pounds, my sleep apnea and heart issues disappeared.  I was in less pain and sleeping better.  I started to take more pride and care in how I looked because it was becoming fun.  What I did not expect was that my age has given me a sense of new found protection. 

I’m past my prime and no longer a target to unwanted attention. 
I did not expect that would be such a life changing and welcoming realization.

Most woman are hating getting old, and I am feeling free to be beautiful for the first time in my life.  When they say life begins at 50, I can attest to that.  The smaller I get now, the younger at heart I feel.  There is liberation in being considered a “Cougar” or “MILF”!  WHO KNEW?  Wrinkles and smile lines are worn like badges of honor now.  Don’t get me wrong. When I achieve my goal weight, I am surgically getting my boobies attended too.  As they get permanently lifted, so will my spirits.  : )

I do feel the need to be skilled and fit enough to be able to defend myself physically if ever needed.  I do hope to find a loving fun man who can watch over and protect me. I just need to know I am safe in my own skin.  These are the next steps in my personal fitness and personal evolution:  To be an ass kicking jazz singing martial arts fancy pants mystery unveiling empowered soul with a strong lean girly body.  Booy Yaa!


August 3, 2016

19 Principles to Strive For

1. Happiness and fulfillment come from getting the results you want – whether it’s developing personal relationships or changing the world. The path is seldom easy, but the formula for success is: 1) Know where you want to go 2) Take action toward that goal 3) Learn from the feedback to adapt your course 4) Take more action, and 5) Keep repeating these steps until you get there.
2. Small changes add up. Be endlessly curious, always look for opportunities to learn and improve. A slight change in your path today will lead to a massively different outcome down the road.
3. Live lightly and inspire others to do the same – together we will protect the planet.
4. See yourself as a leader, as a Force for Good. You are as you see yourself. Helping others feels good and creates a self-reinforcing cycle of goodness.
5. Surround yourself with ambitious peers. You become what you do and who you hang out with.
6. I am in complete control of my happiness. “Good” and “Bad” things don’t happen. Things happen – but they have no meaning other than what I give them.
7. Put health at the top of your priorities list. To live full out, to achieve your goals and be a positive force for good requires energy and vitality.
8. Always face reality, but look for the good, and humor, in it. Focus on opportunities (not problems).
9. Be different. Be out-standing – literally. Nothing outstanding ever comes from the norm.
10. Have a child, adopt a child or at least teach a child. I have found no greater joy in life than learning from, and helping, children.
11. Love because it feels good to love, not for what they give you in response. Love and relationships are the foundation for true happiness.
12. Everything we do, we do to seek pleasure and avoid pain. All human behavior is explained through this lens. Anger is simply a reflection of inner pain.
13. Pain is a great motivator – take advantage of failures and rejection to motivate you to improve. Don’t distract yourself or dull it. “The best revenge is massive success.” (Sinatra).
14. Make fear your friend. Fears reveal our true human needs. Turn fear into a powerful positive motivating force by finding empowering ways to meet those needs.
15. Knowledge is not power. Getting results is power. The more action you take, the more mistakes you make, the faster you’ll learn how to get the results you want.
16. We get what we absolutely need, never less, and usually nothing more. Raise your standards to improve your results.
17. Always go above and beyond what anyone would expect of you. It takes self discipline, hard work, and tenacity to be successful. Revel in those qualities, while recognizing results are the ultimate measure of success.
18. Amazing opportunities come via great accomplishments. Great accomplishments require breakthroughs. Breakthroughs mean entering into the uncomfortable unknown… so get comfortable with chaos.
19. Recognize your good fortune. Fill your heart with gratitude every day. If it weren’t for circumstance and luck – which could turn at any moment – you could be the one needing a helping hand.


July 20, 2016

Living with Natal Venus square Saturn

A friend of mine asked me recently why it is I have not found romantic relationship in the last several years.  I have known Great Love once in my life.  Unfortunately, it did not last.  Since then, I have only ventured out to go on a date with three other incredible men in the past 19 years. One I am still good friends with and the other two each have died. One of a heart attack and the other of a hypertension condition.  Needless to say, I have been shy of dating since. 

Men have begun to come out of the wood work lately, and I want to open my heart and love again, but something is stopping me.  I took a closer look at Venus in my natal chart and found one very difficult aspect that certainly explain my dilemma - Venus square Saturn. I
magine what your heart is like with Venus in Scorpio. : o

I am lucky to have many other very positive Saturn aspects to counter this one awful one, but Saturn in my 4th house in Aquarius made my childhood a lonely, cold, unloving place. But I took good care of myself and made it through.  It's taken me many years of self work and self love to learn how to deal with this pain in the ass astrological natal aspect. 

The dreaded natal Venus square Saturn 

Venus square Saturn
Giving and receiving love are not flowing and natural for people born with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn. Blockages are experienced, and love relationships may be a source of frustration as a result, until the natives learn to love themselves, and to feel worthy of love from others. Duty is often associated with love, and some might find themselves stuck in a loveless marriage, for example. Especially in youth, these people might feel awkward in some social situations, unsure of how to express affections, and fearful of rejection. Problematic Saturn positions often get better with age, experience, and practice, however! In its more negative expression, some people with this position learn to scheme in order to get what they want from a partner, or they might treat partnerships as if they were businesses.
These aspects can make natives especially sensitive to “cues” that suggest they are not loved or rejected in some way. People with Venus-Saturn in hard aspect can often “expect” rejection in issues of love and care, whether they are conscious of this tendency or not. This can often lead to negative situations in love — and bad timing or the feeling of having “bad luck” in relationships.
People with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn might either downplay their physical appearance or pay excessive attention to it. Either way, self-consciousness with adornments is common. Often, people with this position sell themselves short. They are not risk takers when it comes to relationships, often choosing a path that they feel is safe, even if it is an uncomfortable one. Fear of giving can also express itself through tight-fistedness with money.
The key to handling these aspects is to learn to loosen up and relax. Know that you may be oversensitive to rejection — and try to gain some perspective when you feel your love is not being returned to your satisfaction. Are you truly letting love in, or is there a part of you that is scared? Could your expectations and “heaviness” in the area of relationships (you might take love more seriously than most) be getting in the way of accepting love and affection? Venus-Saturn people may have deep-seated feelings of being unworthy of love, even if they are able to rationalize and decide otherwise!
Venus square Saturn in the natal chart can be an uncomfortable aspect to live with but like other challenging Saturn aspects, potentially brings great rewards. The difficulty is that Venus is the pleasure principle and Saturn by its nature isn’t too interested in pleasure. For Saturn it’s all about work, responsibility, duty and a bit more work!

You may have been brought up to believe that you have to work hard for a living and put aside your own wants and desires. Maybe you feel that no matter how hard you work, you never seem to get any further. Often there can be an ingrained belief that money is hard to come by generating a poverty mindset. If you are creatively inclined, maybe you find it hard to believe you can make a living doing what you love. Perhaps deep down, part of you thinks that being an artist, writer, dancer or whatever you want to do is a cop out – not real work; not something worthy of being paid. This same aspect can be what propels you to become a master of your art as you discipline yourself to improve.

Because Venus rules harmony and pleasure, the square can at times trigger a melancholy response. Maybe you feel like you never get to do what you like. Your inner parental voice may tell you that you’re ‘not allowed’. Depression can result from deep-seated unhappiness. You may feel lonely yet hold yourself back from love for fear of rejection. People with this aspect can feel very unworthy of both money or affection.

You may find it difficult to relate. Maybe you feel like you’re never quite up on what’s going on socially. Perhaps sometimes you feel left out. You may feel awkward, self-conscious, shy or inhibited in social environments. Some people come across as aloof. You may have an underlying feeling of being dissatisfied in relationships and sometimes like you’re the one who does all the work. Perhaps you feel you have to earn the love of others or that love is never given freely: that there’s always a cost, expectation or obligation underneath those loving overtures. Deep down there can be a fear of rejection so strong that you put up defences to ward off the chances of it happening. Better to be lonely than to be rejected mutters Saturn. But in doing this, you ultimately reject yourself out of hand. Venus needs to relate so if she is denied, the pressure inside builds.

Sometimes, you may set yourself up for failure by setting impossibility high standards. Traditionally this aspect is said to denote disappointments in love. This may come from limiting your choices so much that it becomes impossible to find someone to meet your requirements. A long check-list of ‘they must be like this…’ leaves no room to bring the right person to you. Plus the check-list itself may be faulty, built upon your own fears and limitations. In a similar vein, your standards may be as low as your self esteem, accepting someone because anyone is better than no one. Venus and Saturn may be so concerned with ’til death do us part’ that it’s hard to get a relationship off the ground. Maybe you take relationships too seriously and forget how to just have fun.

Until your first Saturn return, you may be plagued by self doubt, wondering if you are good enough. You work harder, trying to make it ‘good enough’. And this is where the square can come into its own. It doesn’t let up. Squares require action. In feeling this inner tension, Saturn slowly encourages you to master the art of Venus, teaching you that you can relate; you can do what you love; you can earn a living and you are worthy.

The sign and house positions (as well as other aspects) give clues to the resolution of the Venus-Saturn square. Saturn shows where you need to show self-discipline, accept responsibility, face reality and work hard. Venus shows the area of life that gives you the most pleasure, where you need harmony in your life, where you may find financial gain and what/who you love. Essentially Saturn needs to learn when to back off a bit so that Venus can enjoy life and Venus needs to learn that not everything that does you good, feels good at the time.

Venus square Saturn working at its best means that you are a loyal and stable partner who takes responsibility for your own feelings. You don’t expect your partner to make you happy. You know that love is a verb and you are willing to put the work in to a relationship. You don’t give up when the going gets tough but at the same time, you know when to draw the line if things aren’t working out.

In the realm of finances, working positively, Venus square Saturn gives you the ability to make good financial investments. You tend towards quality over quantity and can also be good at hunting out a bargain. You are frugal without being mean and can save for what is important to you without feeling guilty once the money is spent. If you are so inclined, Venus square Saturn also gives you the ability to make your creative interests a real and tangible business.

The resolution to Venus square Saturn is an inner journey towards self-love. To know you deserve love and respect brings with it a healthy level of self-esteem which allows you to say yes to what you want in life and no to what you don’t want. Maturity comes when you no longer need the approval of others. Instead you are your own authority who loves and respects yourself. Over time you have the potential to discover partners that give without expectation of return, love that lasts and a recognition that the key to happiness lies right inside of you. All good things come to those who wait.

Celebrity Examples – Venus square Saturn speaks…
Dustin Hoffman – Venus in Cancer square Saturn in Aries
“I envy people who can just look at a sunset. I wonder how you can shoot it. There is nothing more grotesque to me than a vacation”
Jacqueline Bissett – Venus in Libra square Saturn in Cancer
“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful”
Oprah Winfrey – Venus in Aquarius square Saturn in Scorpio
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough”
Anthony Hopkins – Venus in Capricorn square Saturn in Pisces (out of sign but only by one degree)
“Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more; only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then.

I have always been a "Late Bloomer".  I hope with age comes wisdom and the time I have spent mending will hopfully be worth the wait for Great Love to enter my life once again.  It's really up to me.

June 23, 2016

This came into my inbox this morning.....

Let your fears and your dreams dance as one. Don’t allow either side to win, instead embrace both, and become neither. Both of them are your creations, and neither of them are who you really are. Learn to dance in this paradox, it will save you much heartache and disappointment.

Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves the most. The secret of the one who loves the most is that they are also the happiest. Give and forgive, without any fear that you may ever lose, because it is not possible.

Loss is an illusion of the mind, let go of anything and anyone that you fear to lose. You will experience a new kind of freedom. Live your life with an inner knowing that anything and anyone that has shaped you, is a part of you, and can never be lost.

Everything that you want is on the other side of everything that you are avoiding. Pay attention to everything that you are chasing, now let go of it, and run directly towards your fears. Look a little bit closer to what hurts, what brings discomfort, what you are hiding from. Bring it closer, work through it, heal through it, and you will break down the walls that keep you from experiencing everything that you want.

Believe in your dreams and trust your intuition. Even if nobody else believes, believing in yourself is enough. Listen to yourself, be kind to your heart, and live with eagerness and excitement. Nobody else needs to understand, nobody else will ever know your truth as well as you do.

You heart unites, you mind divides, live in harmony, not in tug of war. The duality of the world can seem overwhelming. You will notice that very frequently your heart and mind will contradict each other. Allow the darkness and lightness to help you create contrast, learn to make your decisions based on what would make you happy and what is best for the greater good. Most of the time it will be your heart.

Always look inside for the answers. Even with good intentions other people’s opinions and messages can mislead you. Only you truly know how to align with your highest truth. You will make mistakes, but they are a part of the journey of growth and expansion. Don’t be in such a rush that you miss the wonders along the way.

Define or be defined. Society will be quick to judge you or tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. Be true to yourself, listen to yourself. Don’t allow the chatter to drown out your spirit and truth.

Shine, and give light. Other people may try to block you, simply walk away and find somewhere else to shine. Shine and share your gifts, that is why you are here. Although it may be a rainy day, remember that by sharing who you are and what you have to offer, you can make a huge difference in the world.


June 2, 2016


Here is a very interesting personal story of a man who had a near death experience and spent time on the other side and his experience with "Yahweh/The Demiurge".

His NDE experience is the most extensive, detailed near death experience I have ever heard. He met what most people would describe as God and also agreed to an extensive contract with the Demiurge. 

The Demiurge is the Gnostic term for "a supernatural being imagined as creating or fashioning the world in subordination to the Supreme Being, and sometimes regarded as the originator of evil."  

Excerpt from a three hour interview with Wayne Bush from http://trickedbythelight.com:

7/08/2015 -- VERY IMPORTANT!! MUST LISTEN!! I highly encourage everyone to listen to my interview with a "NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCER WHO EXPERIENCED A DEMIURGE".

May 19, 2016

Tabby's Star #KIC8462852 Updates - Dyson Sphere?

Published on Apr 29, 2016  - Tabetha Boyajian investigated this perplexing celestial object, a colleague suggested something unusual: Could it be an alien-built megastructure? Such an extraordinary idea would require extraordinary evidence. In this talk, Boyajian gives us a look at how scientists search for and test hypotheses when faced with the unknown. CHECK THIS OUT!

TED Talks | Potential Alien Mega Structure Found! | Tabetha Boyajian #Tabby's Star #KIC8462852 )

KIC 8462852 Alien Megastructure Star Update 4/10/16

May 16, 2016

Do not be tricked into reincarnating here!

The "life review" that is often reported by near-death experiencers is a negative one. Don't be deceived... again!

For a better understanding of this visit Cameron Day here:

Rich as some great info here too!

Here is a list of other interesting people who have fascinating ideas of what this is going on and how to free ourselves from this Matrix: http://howtoexitthematrix.com/2015/04/29/declaration-of-sovereignty-and-soul-contract-revocation/

I was born to expose the Truth of this enslavement and help us all remember who we are and how to free ourselves! 
Call me Tracy "Monkey Wrench" Taylor!

May 14, 2016

Questions for Finding Purpose, Fulfillment, Direction & Resolution....

I found this article to be helpful.  My answers to these questions have changed over the years. I find that even more fascinating.  I have added two more questions to this mix.

4. If you had one year to live, what would you do with the rest of your life? 
5. If you suddenly won $350M, what would you do with your life?

For many of us, we grow up and the most important thing is who we are going to be when we grow up. Then we focus on doing all these things in order to have the stuff that someone who is like who we want to be would have.

Unfortunately for many of us, we focus more on the having than the being. We are designed as human beings, and when we lose sight of that and begin to do things in order to have things, we lose sight of why we are here. Don’t wait to find your purpose…define your purpose. Declare who you are and make what you do the effect of who you are, not just something being done to have certain things.

When what you do is a result of who you are, you will have the things that someone who you declare to be would have. You must be true to yourself and aligned with your highest purpose that you define. Ask yourself three questions:

  1. What comes easy to me, but harder to others?
  2. What would you do for work for years and years and never have to get paid for it?
  3. How can you be of service and how can you give back?
When you are true to these answers, you are fulfilled at the highest and most important levels.
While most of us focus on getting out of the rat race, we forget about our grand design which is to love, serve and be happy. But when you focus on loving, serving and being happy, all of your needs seem to take care of themselves and some of your old lower level needs do not exist and your become more aware of who you were really designed to be. When you are in this natural place as most children are, everything you do is play and you are revitalized with a new vigor and curiosity of life.

Stand guard at the door to your mind, because everything begins in thought. Your thoughts will create your emotions, which drive your actions, which produce your results. Surround yourself with positive, empowering people, and structures. You create or allow everything in your life, so put yourself at cause for ALL the results in your life. This is not good or bad, it is only feedback. The power in this belief is that if you have created or allowed something in your life and you own that…you can change it also if you choose.

Connect with who you really are, stay true to that no matter what sacrifice you have to make because the universe always pays. The perfection of nature is always at work, so give more, love more and continue to be happy!

What answers did you come up with?

April 24, 2016

The Inner and Outer Worlds Movie

There is one vibratory field that connects all things. It has been called Akasha, Logos, the primordial OM, the music of the spheres, the Higgs field, dark energy, and a thousand other names throughout history. The vibratory field is at the root of all true spiritual experience and scientific investigation. It is the same field of energy that saints, Buddhas, yogis, mystics, priests, shamans and seers, have observed by looking within themselves. Many of history's monumental thinkers, such a Pythagoras, Kepler, Leonardo DaVinci, Tesla, and Einstein, have come to the threshold of this great mystery. It is the common link between all religions, all sciences, and the link between our inner worlds and our outer worlds.