I think I get it now, why I have packed on this EXTRA weight. It’s so I won’t get into a relationship. Yea, I have a herniated L3 lumbar and yea Weight Watchers is working for me, but why have I plateaued at this weight? It’s so I won’t let myself be swept away by torrid passion and unveiled to reveal my bare nakedness, the bone and flesh cage that surrounds my tender scar tissued heart. Yea, I see it now. I do have wolves at my door and all, but I ain’t taken no trips to granny’s house if ya know what I mean. Yes, I do feel skin hunger and romantically lonely and yes, I have dreams that resemble Good porno movies most mornings, but what gives?
*
*
I have been hanging around my unhappily married friends for too long. Seeing and witnessing their silent misery makes it easy to stay single. I do LOVE my FREEDOM too. Sure, I could saddle up with some cool depressed romantic guy bored out of his skull and make beautiful music together, but at what cost? Geez Tré, what happened? Yea, I’ve had my heart broken a few times, I grew from the experiences. Maybe I just don’t feel that I need a relationship to complete me anymore. The thing I kept falling in love with in “The One Types” was the very qualities I had disowned or hadn’t recognized in myself. Did you hear that? My pussy just cried out, “Bullshit, get a dick in here and stat!” Lonely dicks make me sad. Shut up down there. It’s true though, I do feel more whole then ever in my life. I am far from lonely.
*
I think I’m hibernating; hibernating under middle aged blubber. The lady under the blubber is a recovering perfectionist and has taken a vacation from dieting. The blubber is Really a disguise. I’m a hot 47 year old knock out bomb shell paying close attention to who actually can see Me under here. I can’t wait to hike the trail with no back pain. I miss skiing and I want to jump off that cliff in Pacifica with a parachute. I want to feel strong and safe be beautiful without all the unwanted attention. I am working on my heart in here too. I think I need to come out for air.
No comments:
Post a Comment