Tom Waits.....as Tré Waits....

As I walked down the long cold corridor of public storage units today, I could feel from each role up door, a sense of whose stuff was in each one…. I saw faces and movie/stories flash through my mind one by one. Older, younger, divorced, forclosure, children have left….all information flashing through my senses. As I approached my storage unit, I felt….. Stagnated, Put on hold, Revaluation of life’s direction…

Almost everything I own is in a dark hole in East Oakland waiting for me to…. Begin again.

I got the bed out and my printer today and there was the pot with my mothers ashes sitting there looking at me…and when I rolled the door back down I whispered…”Forgive me, but I always take the long way home.”

 Tom Waits.....as Tré Waits....


to wait: – verb (used without object)
1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often fol. by for, till, or until ): to wait for the bus to arrive.

2. (of things) to be available or in readiness: A letter is waiting for you.

3. to remain neglected for a time: a matter that can wait.

4. to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed: We waited a week and then bought the house. Your vacation will have to wait until next month.

5. to look forward to eagerly: I'm just waiting for the day she will know what she wants and where to bury her sweet mothers remains and then find a great place to call home..

Larry the Squirrel goes to the Beach...

I’m in the middle of my Squirly Whirly 2.0 Artcar project and am packed and moving to live in a cute house on the ocean. I’m moving to Pacifica California to lay down some roots and soak up some positive water ions and good San Francisco fog. I’m ready to fall asleep to the sounds of the waves crashing near by and bring my 1973 VW Leopard Art Bar Car to the thirsty surfers out there. ..and… my new and improved daily driver Squirly Whirly version 2.0. Larry the Squirrel Lives my friends!

Larry the Squirrel  - The Story

A couple years ago I was minding my own business at Joanne’s Fabric store and saw there was a 75% off sale sign over in the corner…. I saw Gnomes… I sauntered closer to take a look. I have a thing for Gnomes; the only problem is they are all too perky and happy. I have been looking for an angry Gnome or at least a sarcastic wise ass Gnome for my collection. No luck (I’ll have to make some of my own) but behind the cheerful hairy little men was a portly large garden ornament Squirrel. I picked him up and he looked to me like…a guy whose name could be….Larry. Yes, Larry the Squirrel before we made to the check out line. He had a crack in him and they took off even more at the register.  The next day I fixed him up as good as new and decided to glue him as a hood ornament to my car.

Then a good Artcar friend Tom Kennedy died and I glued 450 tea lights to the car for his memorial, Candle Car…

The next season I replaced the tea lights with 650 Mylar pinwheels and a couple more Solar Squirrels to keep Larry Company. I debuted her in the Maker Faire 2009, named Squirly Whirly.

Shortly after, I stood in line all day at the San Francisco Opera costume sale, and ended up parking her overnight in The Haight Asbury where some tweeker street fuckers vandalized the car. Stole one of the solar squirrels and tried to tear Larry off the hood, but only cracked his tail half off. Poor Larry. He was messed up bad. 

This year Larry has 20 new squirrel friends and 18 big solar lights accompanied by 165 hand made recycled aluminum can art pinwheels that I have fiber glassed to the car. I will be showing her at the Artcar Fest 2010 grand opening of The Crocker Art Museum, Sacramento CA, with a huge number of other amazing art car artists from all over the western United States and Canada.

Here is Larrys New Look!  He almost has an Evel Knievel look don't he?

Look for him at the beach, he will be there soon!

 

   

Now, Feels Good....

I'm on unemployment and having a hard time with it.  At first, I was feeling apathetic; I was laying here judging myself for not making something important of my life. I started to feel like a failure. Then I asked myself, what do you want? I laid back and thought, I went into my core and contemplated this serious question.

I answered, Peace. I want to be Free and feel Peace. I just then realized that is exactly what I have Right Now…. Freedom….

And so, I let go
Let go of the judgement
and for a moment let myself just feel...Free,
and that brought me Peace
All through me.
I took a deep breath,
and Really let myself feel Peace
and stepped right into, Now.
I let it soak into me
Now Feels, Good.
I have it whenever I want it.

Tales of Diva Blubber...

I think I get it now, why I have packed on this EXTRA weight. It’s so I won’t get into a relationship. Yea, I have a herniated L3 lumbar and yea Weight Watchers is working for me, but why have I plateaued at this weight? It’s so I won’t let myself be swept away by torrid passion and unveiled to reveal my bare nakedness, the bone and flesh cage that surrounds my tender scar tissued heart. Yea, I see it now. I do have wolves at my door and all, but I ain’t taken no trips to granny’s house if ya know what I mean. Yes, I do feel skin hunger and romantically lonely and yes, I have dreams that resemble Good porno movies most mornings, but what gives?
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I have been hanging around my unhappily married friends for too long. Seeing and witnessing their silent misery makes it easy to stay single. I do LOVE my FREEDOM too. Sure, I could saddle up with some cool depressed romantic guy bored out of his skull and make beautiful music together, but at what cost? Geez Tré, what happened? Yea, I’ve had my heart broken a few times, I grew from the experiences. Maybe I just don’t feel that I need a relationship to complete me anymore. The thing I kept falling in love with in “The One Types” was the very qualities I had disowned or hadn’t recognized in myself. Did you hear that? My pussy just cried out, “Bullshit, get a dick in here and stat!” Lonely dicks make me sad. Shut up down there. It’s true though, I do feel more whole then ever in my life. I am far from lonely.

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I think I’m hibernating; hibernating under middle aged blubber. The lady under the blubber is a recovering perfectionist and has taken a vacation from dieting. The blubber is Really a disguise. I’m a hot 47 year old knock out bomb shell paying close attention to who actually can see Me under here. I can’t wait to hike the trail with no back pain. I miss skiing and I want to jump off that cliff in Pacifica with a parachute. I want to feel strong and safe be beautiful without all the unwanted attention. I am working on my heart in here too.  I think I need to come out for air.