The Elaborate Plan for Wisdom....

I am a non-conformist.  I really feel, breathe, laugh, think, cry, express, create, savor, fuck, live, love more fully and deeply than almost any person I know.  It's not easy being me.  I never stop exploring and learning.  I am angry and pissed off at life.  I am a truth seeker and the deeper I unravel this Reality, the angrier I become.  I’m angry that I chose to come here and do this thing – this life and don’t have a clue what I am doing here. The only thing that is consistent and stable in life, is change. I am really good at it.

I think maybe there is only one truth, that all that there is, IS EXPERIENCE.  That there is no right or wrong really, there is no time or space, that it is all just novelty, or cycles of experience, playing out in new forms over and over.  The problems come from trying to measure and label and contain reality. All that there is, IS EXPERIENCE, our experience as the experiencer.  That all of the data from our own experience is being uploaded into some limitless Akashic record and this is all that is.  Who created this interface of experience has been the ultimate puzzle.  The truth is, I CREATED IT FOR MYSELF. I AM CONSCIOUSNESS AND THAT IS ALL THAT THERE IS.  I am limitless. 

Knowing this truth is what makes living in this body and third dimensional holograph piss me off so much.  I feel limited here.  I’m angry and frustrated all the time.  I didn't know it would be so hard to live in a life with amnesia of who I REALLY AM.  When I do remember,  I feel so much more than my body can handle.  I cannot be confined to this system or the society or the rules and limitations put upon me by others who want to control the world. I CAN NOT BE CONTAINED. 

I think this has been the root of my life suffering here as Tracy. Why I have suffered so much with this physical body and the insane world we live in together.  I created this and I forgot I did.  I made myself forget who I WAS so I could have an authentic novel experience, but that separation from true Knowledge created so much suffering.   Well, I remember now, and I'm kicking my own ass.  So what if I changed my mind now that I am in it.  I'm mad at MYSELF for creating this and changing my mind while in it.  I feel shame at first that I don't like what I have created here.  Shame may not be the right word to describe this, WISDOM.  This is what wisdom is.  

If I just had the knowledge of all that is, that would not be enough.  I created these life interfaces to insert myself into them to have experience from my knowledge to obtain wisdom.  It's kind of an elaborate plan.  Why would I go through this much trouble for the sake of wisdom?

To sit with this kind of wisdom long enough I do remember.  "Wisdom is the very best well rounded and complete gift of Love you can give yourself.  Being able to receive it is the challenge.  : )"