Shattered

The night before last a police officer knocked on my door at 3:30am to inform me someone had shattered my car window. Nothing was stolen, just plain vandalism. Apparently there have been 20 other incidents in my neighborhood in the last 2 weeks. I was able to get all of the broken glass off the seats and interior of my car this morning and made it in time to the auto glass place in San Francisco to get the driver’s side window being replaced in my car. It’s clear but chilly here in the city. Good coffee here at Peets in the Opera Plaza.

There is a “Homeless Man” outside in a nice wheelchair asking for change. Every time he sees a person coming down the street he starts rocking wildly and shouting out loud about his shattered dreams. When they drop money in his cup he says thank you and acts normal again. Then I see him get up and run to the door of the café to open it for a pretty lady. The man is a romantic fraud. Now there’s a job for ya, the posing disabled homeless preying of the human conscious to provide for his needs. He made at least $20 dollars in the last 45 mins. A wheelchair IS probably the only legal place to sit on a public sidewalk. I just watched him strut over to Mc Donalds for breakfast. I bet he has a nice apartment nearby.

I look down at my iPhone to see if the auto glass guys have called me to tell it’s ready. I can barely see the face of the phone because a week ago I accidentally dropped it on the tile floor and shattered the glass face of the phone. I have it scotch taped to keep it together until I can take it in to be fixed. It still works fine, just hard to see on it. I can’t believe I hoofed it this far down Van Ness for a cup of good coffee, but that’s how I roll. I passed a couple little hole in the wall cafes run by little Asian ladies, when I poked my head in, they smelled like old fish. The Citron Martini from last night churned in my gut begging for something clean and substantial. It made it easy to keep walking, even 10 big blocks.

When you give your order here at Peet’s they ask for your name so they can call it out when they have made for drink. I wanted to say my name was Rumpelstiltskin, but went with Squirrel. It was nice to hear the snarky café guy with multiple piercings say Squirrel out loud in a crowd.

I have an appointment next week to see a real medium/clairvoyant. I am hoping to get a hook up with some higher level guides, wise dead people who can see my future from their view or just see if this Medium has some insight into the next 20 years of my life.  I would like to speak to some dead family member's and beloved friends. I have a long list of questions for him. Here they are:

1. I feel loved and yet so alone at the same time. This current lifetime has been a very sad one, many tears, losses and traumas; I have been so lost and confused. What is the best way for me to heal my wounded soul and heart?

2. Mom, did you commit suicide? Did I do the right thing with your “Will”? What happened?

3. Mom, what happened to me when I was a baby? Why did dad ask Grandma to watch over me? Did you know I was being molested by the babysitter?

4. I’m really tired of reincarnation; can I take a vacation after this lifetime? Why does my soul feel so tired? Where am I spiritually and why do I feel like I don’t belong here? What am I doing here? How am I doing can I get a progress report?

5. Why do we live such short life spans? Wouldn’t it be better for our beings to grow if we had a chance to live at least 300 - 500 years a pop? Just when we start getting a clue we grow old and die, what gives?

6. Career help and advice. I work a nice temp job that may go perm in a few months, will it? Having a steady income will sure help me pursue my dream - I am a powerful feminine being that wants to bring more right brain energy to the world and support and empower women and the feminine side in all beings - artists, musicians and writers to rise and infect this left brained dominate world and restore BALANCE and BEAUTY, how can I do this and make a good living?

7. Health issues, how’s my health looking? Getting this day job will give me the health benefits I need to take better care of myself; will I get hired at my current SSF Company? I do feel my weight and age more these days, anything I should get checked out?

8. Love? Since my last boyfriend Charlie, and his recent death, I just have given up on the thought of dating. Charlie, what happened? Is there someone out there wishing to frolic the universe with someone as silly as me? I know I’m still pretty leery of having my heart broken again, is there hope for romantic companionship in this lifetime with someone fun? What is his name? Do you see how and where we will meet?

9. What loved ones who have pasted over would like to communicate with me? I’d like to say hello? Is there an inheritance somewhere I should know about? Land? Bonds? Other?

10. Home, I need to find my own place and move my stuff there, where? I love where I live now, but I need my own place. I always thought I’d end up falling in love and sharing a cool house with a cool dude, but that may not be in the cards for me. Retirement, will that ever be?

11. Where are my Squirrel Tail Car Keys?

I hope the reading will be helpful. Maybe is will give me some pointers on which direction to go, I have so many great options or maybe he can give me some clarity on how to repair my shattered dreams and start to remove some of this scotch tape over my heart?