I have been off the sugar and alcohol since January. I feel amazing. It's the first time I have been this brain numbing sober for this long. I have been thinking a lot, which is something I need to cut back on.
I have seriously been contemplating where my beliefs have originated. Why do I believe the things I do? I have spent my whole life asking questions, challenging the culture, religions, family values, history, myths, and tore down everything inside myself to unravel the why, how, where and what I believe.
The one thing I am all about is empowering the individual to find their true self, find compassion, respect and truly love themselves completely to build a foundation upon.
I have enjoyed philosophy, ethics, linguistics and the deeper aspects of psychology of the human mind and how it relates to a rich happy self-concept, identity and how this relates in all kinds of relationships, including romantic. If you have gathered by now, I am rather unconventional in my beliefs about pretty much everything compared to the rest of the world, and this is because I have taken the time to find the truth of which I am, and what I find that resonates inside me. I highly recommend this.
You do not hear me speak fuck all on politics, religion or the latest “psyop” being spun in our current culture anymore. I'm not a fan of the "liar-archy", so I don't give it much of my energy. I live more by “Concepts” than beliefs because I am still gathering information. They seem to be evolving as I live and learn from my life experiences and interactions in all areas of my life and what I observe in others around me. This is why I am such a huge fan of trail blazers, people who are passionate and fight for what is moral and question the very belief in authority.
Much of the process of defining what you believe is in the redefining what your language means to you. What is the difference between loyalty and faithfulness? Why are the rules for a close friendship so different from a romantic relationship? Are humans meant to be monogamous? Is there such a thing as unconditional love? I think only you can find these answers for yourself.
I have been behind the scenes making more wrinkles in my forehead with way too many deep thoughts about how to answer some of these questions. What was the precipice of my change? When you sit down and try to explain it in simple terms to someone else, it ain’t easy.
I was a wounded lost soul. It took years of me being outside the reality to heal and understand life. I stepped back and took a long hard look at EVERYTHING about human nature, myself and paid very close attention to what people were afraid to talk about, what was being hidden, what was forbidden, and took notes on the outcomes of those who seemed to have a clue. I deep dived within myself and did the hard core work until I was able to free myself of the conditioning. I highly recommend this too.
In trying to find the words to describe my personal experiences in what was the deciding factor in finally truly discovering Love, Real Love for myself, it may have come from honest full self-acceptance, the crazy wild deep loving Ayahuasca experience (Okay go ahead and laugh...but seriously...Love was not even close to describing what I felt, it was WAY, WAAAY BETTER), having my heart broken so many times it finally was cracked open, or just learning how to let go of everything, simplify my life and just was able to BE HERE in the NOW.
I changed little ol' me for the better.
I think the core of it was forgiveness, compassion, and feeling that soft and protective love like I would for a child, for myself. I freed my soul, called back my spirit and found myself worth fighting for. I have to be accountable now. My opinion of me now matters. Your opinion of me, is none of my business. : )
Identifying and spending the time to heal what your core wounds, may be (and we all have them), be it from childhood trauma, attachment style from your caregivers as a child are key in being able to allow yourself to Love and receive Love with another person as an adult.
I have learned much in my intimate relationships in the past. I am a sensual and sexual being, and have had to learn the balance between Love, Sex, and the types of sexual addiction people can get stuck in without realizing it, and how to become safe and brave enough to trust myself and another person to be emotionally, physically and even spiritually vulnerable with in an intimate partnership. Inside this healing and knowledge is what allows two people real connection. This is the difference between good sex and Great Sex. : )
Being able to accept and love yourself no matter what, is a practice. Self care, discipline, rituals that keep you in check with yourself are great ways to manage your emotional and psychological health. These are especially helpful if you do find yourself scared, or triggered in any situation.
Being able to know you can rely on yourself or ask for help are the steps to deep love, security, peace and happiness in life.
I am able to see the child in everyone, and find love in even the darkest most wounded beings. There is something inside my consciousness that has no conditions or judgments or expectations in this part of my heart. I don't know if this is what unconditional love is. Is Love a verb, an adjective or a noun?
I am a lover. I Lerve loving. I don't think I was actually capable of truly loving someone intimately until I had found true love in my own heart for myself. I can’t call this unconditional love because I had to prove my love to myself by my actions and results. These results have allowed me to gain self-respect and trust. It was completely conditional. I had to demonstrate by my actions and prove my self worth, to me.
I also have a heart that enjoys letting life unfold and not have too many expectations. Being 'Present in the now' often, makes this a natural side effect. I do have conditions, standards in romantic relationships, and friendships I live by. I also am insanely ambitious, goal focused and hustle hard in delivering results so I can share a creative, profitable, fun and beautiful 'Happily Rad Ever After' with some super duper future lucky guy.
I know I will make mistakes and will embarrass myself, take risks and fail miserably at things, I am not afraid to try new things. I am not afraid to look at myself and take responsibility for my projections, my mistaken communications that may be a result of my unconscious fears. Today I have a love and freedom that accepts all of this no matter what. How is this possible?
What is unconditional love? Is it even real? I feel kind of like a philosophical, analytical Alien coming back from outer space, and now officially back in the land of the dating world for the first time in a decade. Don't get all excited, I don't have a friggin clue how to date, but I am willing to learn.
Loving now feels so different than ever in my life with a full heart. I am more present, open, and have so much love to give now. Doing this without any 'liquid courage' also adds a way weird, yet BETTER dimension too! WHO KNEW? I have a great capacity for giving and receiving Love.
I am powerful in a new way that I am only beginning to understand. I’m curious about learning more about love in all it's exquisite expressions. I'm forever a student of life and of loving. I was like sleeping beauty locked away in a tower. I have been delightfully awakened. I am ready to learn about real intimate love.
I found this article very interesting:
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The True Meaning of Unconditional Love
By a conscious rethink
Some people regard unconditional love as pure fantasy, a myth that has been shared and searched for throughout human history. Others believe that it is not only real, but the most real thing there is.
This article will suggest that it is absolutely possible to love unconditionally, but that many people simply misunderstand what it means to do so.
We’ll explore the themes and weigh up the points of debate to try and give a clear explanation of love in its unconditional form.
Unconditional = Selfless
The literal meaning of the word unconditional is without conditions, but how does this translate into reality? To answer this, you have to first consider what conditional love is.
Conditional love is an attachment to and feeling for someone that depends on them behaving in a certain way. At its heart is the premise that the person giving the love (the lover) does so because they get something back in return – namely a response from the person receiving the love (the beloved) that meets their, often unrealistic, expectations.
More accurately, it is the love that relies upon the beloved NOT acting in a way that the lover finds unacceptable or intolerable. Unconditional love, on the other hand, exists in the absence of any benefit for the lover. It transcends all behavior and is in no way reliant upon any form of reciprocation.
It is completely and utterly selfless. It cannot be given in as much as it flows without effort from one’s heart rather than coming consciously from one’s mind. There is nothing that can stand in the way of unconditional love.
Wishing The Best For The Beloved
With selflessness comes the ultimate desire to see the beloved flourish and find contentment. It doesn’t have to involve any actions on the part of the lover, but it often does. Sometimes it even involves a level of personal sacrifice. It is the driving force that spurs you on to do whatever you can to help your beloved become the best version of themselves.
It First Requires Self-love
In order to love someone unconditionally, you must start by loving yourself the same way. You must learn to accept who you are without seeking to change. If you insist that change is necessary, you are putting conditions on the love you have for yourself. This is not to say that change will not take place, but it will be natural, unforced, and unlooked for. Only when you stop chasing changes in yourself can you begin to love others without their needing to change. It is then that love can be deemed unconditional.
Believing In The Good That One Possesses
When love is given without condition, it is a sign that you are able to see the very worst in someone and yet still believe that they are worthy of your compassion. It is the part of you that forgives the seemingly unforgivable when no one else is able to.
Unconditional love does not judge and it does not give up on those whom society may deem as immoral or evil. It is the conviction to see beyond a person’s outward flaws to focus, instead, on the inner being that some may call a soul.
It Can’t Be Said, Only Felt
The first misconception about unconditional love is that you can declare it to someone. There is a chance that you are experiencing it, but you may also be feeling something very close to it, but in some way lacking.
There is no way to predict how you may react to a person in a given set of circumstances. You may find that there are limits to your love that you were simply unaware of previously. Because of the innate uncertainty of the future, unconditional love can exist only as a feeling and not as a mental or verbal concept (this article itself can by no means describe the very essence of it).
You will never know for sure whether what you feel is unconditional love, but this in no way disproves its existence.
A Relationship Does Not Have To Be Unconditional Too
Another common misunderstanding is the belief that unconditional love requires you to accept whatever your beloved does to you. It is, however, possible for the relationship to have various conditions upon it – certain boundaries – but for the love to have none.
You can make a choice to end a relationship because it involves abuse or because your beloved has acted in a way that you cannot stomach. This does not have to mean the end of your love for them.
It is quite possible to still wish the best for them, see the good in them, and accept them as they are – the properties of unconditional love described above. It may be that you will love them from a distance rather than get caught up in a situation that could be self-destructive.
Relationships are mere partnerships between two people. A relationship is not a feeling – it is not love of any kind – it is merely the vessel in which love can be housed. Should the partnership become unsustainable, the vessel can break, but the love does not always cease to be; it can be moved outside of the relationship and exist by itself.
This is because unconditional love has no basis in the actions and behaviors of the beloved. Your lives may end up taking utterly different paths to the point where a relationship becomes impossible, but your love for them does not diminish.
You Can Experience Negative Emotions At The Same Time
Unconditional love does not mean that you feel warmth and affection towards your beloved at all times; you are human after all. You can be angry at them, frustrated with them, and hurt by them while still loving them. Having arguments does not diminish the love that comes truly free of conditions. Just as the waves atop an ocean do not impact the depths below, the natural highs and lows of a relationship cannot penetrate deep enough to affect the underlying feeling.
Unconditional Love From A Spiritual Perspective
Many religions and spiritual practises involve the concept of non-duality and this can be another source of unconditional love. When you feel separate from others, you have a choice as to whether or not you love them, but if you look upon your neighbor as you would look upon yourself, love is almost inevitable.
If you live free from the mental barriers that exist in the majority of people and experience the universe and everything in it as being of you, why would you choose anything other than love? While rare, this type of unconditional love does exist in some people.
There Should Be No Guilt Where It Is Lacking
You may feel it towards another or you may not, but the absence of unconditional love is not something to feel guilty about. As much as you may wish to feel this way and rationally see reasons for doing so, it cannot be willed into being. This type of love cannot be wished for, chased, or accumulated; it can only be.
It may hurt to realize that your love for another has conditions, but this is not something you can control. So do not beat yourself up when your love for someone fades, if it was meant to keep burning, it would have done.
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I'm not sure what I believe yet. I trust in my process and my heart. I'm open minded, yet still kind of an old fashioned girl. I try of keep a balance. Clearly, I am dreadfully serious about shit in my monkey mind. This is why I am such a goofball the rest of the time.
Being centered in love as a practice was not easy at first. I still cringe and laugh out loud at my own ridiculous inner dry, dark and wicked commentary at times.
Let's LOVE world! It starts inside ourselves and how we communicate.
My commitment is to apply this to my inner voice when I hear any bullshit, and then before I open my mouth ...
“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:
At the first gate, ask yourself “Is is true?”
At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”
At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”
~ Rumi
DO YOU BELIEVE IN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?
I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.
