Dr. Phil Mc Graw, I like and respect him, but his make-up is on pretty heavy for that big strapping "Good ol' boy Texan attitude". He is all Beverley Hills now and it's TV, I get it. His show is still on the air and has turned into a psychology version of Jerry Springer.
I don't watch TV anymore, but I do find it very entertaining to see his shows on Youtube like, "My Drunken Daughter Will Die if She Doesn't Stop Drinking Hand Sanitizer" or "I Spanked My Wife with a Wooden Spoon, and She Needs to Repent." HILARIOUS! These are actually serious, which makes it even funnier.
But I do like his ability to listen and help people take a look at themselves and their own realities. I believe he has helped millions of people through his shows. I do learn some gold nuggets from his show and all of the characters he has on it.
These Ten Life Laws are actually valuable. CHECK THESE OUT:
Life Law #1: You either get it or you don't.
Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
It's
easy to tell these people apart. Those who "get it" understand how
things work and have a strategy to create the results they want. Those
who don't are stumbling along looking puzzled, and can be found
complaining that they never seem to get a break.
You must do
what it takes to accumulate enough knowledge to "get it." You need to
operate with the information and skills that are necessary to win. Be
prepared, tune in, find out how the game is played and play by the
rules.
In designing a strategy and getting the information you
need — about yourself, people you encounter, or situations — be careful
from whom you accept input. Wrong thinking and misinformation can seal
your fate before you even begin.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience.
Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life. Understand your role in creating results.
You
cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is.
If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If you are overweight,
you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. You are
creating the situations you are in and the emotions that flow from
those situations.
Don't play the role of victim, or use past
events to build excuses. It guarantees you no progress, no healing, and
no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else.
Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of
yourself now.
Every choice you make — including the thoughts you
think — has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you
choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive
partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you
choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will
create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start
choosing the right behavior and thoughts — which will take a lot of
discipline — you'll get the right consequences.
Life Law #3: People do what works.
Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.
Even
the most destructive behaviors have a payoff. If you did not perceive
the behavior in question to generate some value to you, you would not do
it. If you want to stop behaving in a certain way, you've got to stop
"paying yourself off" for doing it.
Find and control the payoffs,
because you can't stop a behavior until you recognize what you are
gaining from it. Payoffs can be as simple as money gained by going to
work to psychological payoffs of acceptance, approval, praise, love or
companionship. It is possible that you are feeding off unhealthy,
addictive and imprisoning payoffs, such as self-punishment or distorted
self-importance.
Be alert to the possibility that your behavior
is controlled by fear of rejection. It's easier not to change. Try
something new or put yourself on the line. Also consider if your need
for immediate gratification creates an appetite for a small payoff now
rather than a large payoff later.
Life Law #4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
Strategy:
Get real with yourself about life and everybody in it. Be truthful
about what isn't working in your life. Stop making excuses and start
making results.
If you're unwilling or unable to
identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors,
characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In
fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your
life.) You've got to face it to replace it.
Acknowledgment means
slapping yourself in the face with the brutal reality, admitting that
you are getting payoffs for what you are doing, and giving yourself a
no-kidding, bottom-line truthful confrontation. You cannot afford the
luxury of lies, denial or defensiveness.
Where are you now? If
you hope to have a winning life strategy, you have to be honest about
where your life is right now. Your life is not too bad to fix and it's
not too late to fix it. But be honest about what needs fixing. If you
lie to yourself about any dimension of your life, an otherwise sound
strategy will be compromised.
Life Law #5: Life rewards action.
Strategy:
Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger. Learn that the world
couldn't care less about thoughts without actions.
Talk
is cheap. It's what you do that determines the script of your life.
Translate your insights, understandings and awareness into purposeful,
meaningful, constructive actions. They are of no value until then.
Measure yourself and others based on results — not intentions or words.
Use
any pain you have to propel you out of the situation you are in and to
get you where you want to be. The same pain that burdens you now could
be turned to your advantage. It may be the very motivation you need to
change your life.
Decide that you are worth the risk of taking
action, and that your dreams are not to be sold out. Know that putting
yourself at risk may be scary, but it will be worth it. You must leave
behind the comfortable and familiar if you are to move onward and
upward.
Life Law #6: There is no reality, only perception.
Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world. Acknowledge your history without being controlled by it.
You
know and experience this world only through the perceptions that you
create. You have the ability to choose how you perceive any event in
your life, and you exercise this power of choice in every circumstance,
every day of your life. No matter what the situation, you choose your
reaction, assigning meaning and value to an event.
We all view
the world through individual filters, which influence the
interpretations we give events, how we respond, and how we are responded
to. Be aware of the factors that influence the way you see the world,
so you can compensate for them and react against them. If you continue
to view the world through a filter created by past events, then you are
allowing your past to control and dictate both your present and your
future.
Filters are made up of fixed beliefs, negative ideas that
have become entrenched in your thinking. They are dangerous because if
you treat them as fact, you will not seek, receive or process new
information, which undermines your plans for change. If you "shake up"
your belief system by challenging these views and testing their
validity, the freshness of your perspective can be startling.
Life Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life and hold on. This is a long ride, and you are the driver every single day.
You
are a life manager, and your objective is to actively manage your life
in a way that generates high-quality results. You are your own most
important resource for making your life work. Success is a moving target
that must be tracked and continually pursued.
Effective life
management means you need to require more of yourself in your grooming,
self-control, emotional management, interaction with others, work
performance, dealing with fear, and in every other category you can
think of. You must approach this task with the most intense commitment,
direction and urgency you can muster.
The key to managing your
life is to have a strategy. If you have a clear-cut plan, and the
courage, commitment and energy to execute that strategy, you can
flourish. If you don't have a plan, you'll be a stepping stone for those
who do. You can also help yourself as a life manager if you manage your
expectations. If you don't require much of yourself, your life will be
of poor quality. If you have unrealistic standards, then you are adding
to your difficulties.
Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.
Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want.
You
either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you
don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that
you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when
you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.
If
the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out
what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment.
Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any
negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or
controlling — and then get their way — you have rewarded them for
unacceptable behavior.
Because you are accountable, you can
declare the relationship "reopened for negotiation" at any time you
choose, and for as long as you choose. Even a pattern of relating that
is 30 years old can be redefined. Before you reopen the negotiation, you
must commit to do so from a position of strength and power, not fear
and self-doubt.
Life Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.
Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you.
Hate,
anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul
of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with
your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and
contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical
toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms,
and even heart attacks.
Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds
of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the
negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral
high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is
not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about
you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power
to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it
frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and
they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for
yourself.
Life Law #10: You have to name it before you can claim it.
Strategy: Get clear about what you want and take your turn.
Not
knowing what you want — from your major life goals to your day-to-day
desires — is not OK. The most you'll ever get is what you ask for. If
you don't even know what it is that you want, then you can't even ask
for it. You also won't even know if you get there!
By being
specific in defining your goal, the choices you make along the way will
be more goal-directed. You will recognize which behaviors and choices
support your goals — and which do not. You will know when you are
heading toward your goal, and when you are off track.
Be bold
enough to reach for what will truly fill you up, without being
unrealistic. Once you have the strength and resolve enough to believe
that you deserve what it is that you want, then and only then will you
be bold enough to step up and claim it. Remember that if you don't,
someone else will.
