October 29, 2013

“Your task is not to seek for love...

....but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”     ― Rumi 

October 18, 2013

Ten Types of Guys Women Should Avoid at All Costs


No matter what age you are if you ask me, dating sucks.  The older one gets the more baggage one can accumulate.  This means it’s good to be able to spot “Psychosis Compatibility”.  I heard it said once, that what was considered, "A phase" in someone's 20's and 30's, if these phases continue into their 40's and 50's +, they then are considered personality disorders.  Make a note of that.  If someone doesn't think they have any baggage, then you most likely are really dealing with someone out of touch with themselves.

Knowing your own issues and being able to spot someone else’s and share and laugh about them together as you get older is kind of funny, but realistic.  I found this article helpful and very true for male or female roles in dating.  It's also a good measure to look at yourself and make sure you never become any of these guys.

It’s not always easy to spot a “bad guy.”  Most of them - upon first glance - look normal, talk normal, and even act normal.  They’ll hold the door open for you, chew with their mouths closed, and happily buy you a nice dinner.  It may take a bit before the horns, pitchfork, and tail begin to reveal themselves.   And let’s just call it out:  Women tend to overlook some obvious types of “bad guys,” usually because we either only see what we want to see or because we desperately want to believe we’ll be that one woman who will change them.  Uh-oh.  This is a sure-fire recipe for relationship disaster.  So as you go about the business of meeting your soul-mate, let’s explore the ten most common types of men women should avoid - No matter what.

1.  “The Checkered Past Guy” - I love the saying “the past is prologue.”  Very often who a person was, is who they are, and who they will be.  People don’t really change that much.  I’m not suggesting that a man has to be perfect or live in a house with a skeleton-free closet.  If he’s over the age of 12, good luck finding that, sister!  And as someone who’s made her fair share of mistakes, I’m all about second (and third and fourth and fifteenth) chances.  What I’m talking about is the guy who unapologetically flaunts every bad thing he’s ever done within five seconds of knowing you.  He’s the one who, on the first date, will tell you about the various women he slept with and how he cheated on his last girlfriend with the entire staff of “Crazy Girls.”  He’ll probably add, “But that was a long time ago,” just so you don’t run from the dinner table screaming.  Yah riiiight, buddy.  If your new guy admits his every flaw without getting to know you a bit first, he’s subconsciously telling you, “I’m a ‘bad guy.’  Stay away.”  If you accept all of this and tell him it’s all OK, part of him will wonder what’s wrong with you that you’d accept such a loser.  A good guy won’t be perfect.  But he’ll take a bit to show you his mistakes and flaws.  He will not wear them like a badge of honor.

2.  “The Player Guy” - There are two types of “players” out there:  The former player who is now looking to settle down and the perennial player who has no intention of settling down.  Ever.  The former is not necessarily a “bad guy.”  He’s sown his oats and is tired of the game.  He’s looking for stability and a woman he can relax with.  Here’s the rub:  If you are aware of his past, it can be very difficult to distinguish between the two.  I have a theory you might find useful when confronted with a “player guy.”  I believe that the player who will eventually be a decent partner truly loves women.  And that guy who will always be a cheating, manipulating sack o’ shit?  He secretly despises them.  Don’t pay too much attention to what he says.  The “bad guy” will lie without hesitation.  He’ll tell you what you want to hear - that he’s tired of being single, that he wants a relationship.  This, my dear, is utter B.S., so don’t get sucked in.  Instead, look at his actions.  Does he make you feel insecure or bad about yourself when you’re around him?  Does he constantly check out other women and/or comment on them in your presence?  Does he do things that degrade you such as talking to you as if you’re a little girl or feeding you directly off his fork?  If so, RUN.  This guy is bad news.  The reformed player is a different story.  If you meet one of those, more than likely he won’t even mention his “past.”  Mostly because he doesn’t want to scare you off.

3.  “The Not Over His Ex Guy” - Oh man, how bad is this guy?  It’s been my experience that every man has one woman in his life who devastated him/broke his heart/got away.  And woe to the woman who steps onto his path before he’s fully over her.  She will never, can’t ever, live up to the image of the near perfect GODDESS who crushed him.  I’ve found that most guys will talk about this pretty openly.  Watch carefully when he tells you about her.  If he says, “Yeah, she broke my heart,” and tears start to form in his eyes, it’s not because he’s sweet and sensitive. It’s because he’s not over her yet.  I suggest you quickly thank him for dinner/the movie/etc, grab your handbag, and make your way to the nearest emergency exit.  Don’t worry about the sirens going off - they’ll be a signal to all the other ladies within his reach that he ain’t ready for nobody else.

4.  “The Funny Guy” - It’s not a huge shocker that most women want a man who makes them laugh.  As we all know, having a good sense of humor is one of the most coveted traits in a mate.  Where you need to be careful is what he thinks is funny.  If his “jokes” are at your expense and are hurtful, that just isn’t cool.  I read somewhere that if a man is super sarcastic with a woman right away, he’s not trying to impress her.  Personally, I’m down with a bit o’ sarcasm.  I like it when my guy and I can tease each other in a good-hearted way.  But if it crosses the line and makes you feel bad, let him know.  If he’s a good guy and truly cares about you, he’ll check himself.  If he does it again, dump him.  He’s using his “sense of humor” to be hurtful.  And that’s never a laughing matter.

5.  “The Freight Train Guy” - Oh, how I love this one.  He’s a lot of fun, isn’t he?  At least at first.  He’s the guy who will move in on you faster than a speeding bullet.  He’ll want to spend every free moment he can with you.  He’ll call multiple times a day.  He’ll start talking about a future together before you’ve even gone out on your first date.  And, chances are, you’ll end up sleeping with him before you know how to spell his last name.  (“Really?  You spell ‘Smith’ ‘S-M-Y-T-H-E?’  I had no idea…”).  I also like to call this one “The Insta-boyfriend” and 99 times out of 100, he’s full of crap.  He’s the type of guy who loves the chase, has no appreciation for delayed gratification, and will most likely vanish as soon as you “casually” mention how you need a date for your cousin’s wedding.  Talk about a ghost train…  So when you hear the “Whoot!  Whoot!” of his whistle blown’ as he’s comin’ ‘round the track, see if you can’t get him to slow down a bit.  If he refuses to linger at your station until you feel safe enough to board, let him go.  Rest assured he would have  moved along anyway, dropping you off at his next stop and picking up another passenger before you’d even stepped down onto the platform.

6.  “The Married Guy” - When the women I talk to open up, I mean REALLY open up, I’ve been stunned at how many have fallen prey to the charms of this most dangerous of all bad guys.  Don’t be naive or righteous, sweet sister, any woman, given the right set of circumstances, can become his victim.  Why?  Because he’s good.  Real good.  If a toxic, single guy can smell a woman’s vulnerability a county away, a married man can smell it from an entirely different continent.  Perhaps you’ve gone through a terrible breakup or are in an unhappy relationship yourself.  This slimy snake can tell.  At first he’ll just test the waters.  “Wow.  Your boyfriend/husband/etc is the luckiest guy in the world to have YOU.”  And when you respond with a shrug and a sigh, he’ll know you feel lonely, unloved, and taken for granted.  After that, it’s “game on.”  I’ve heard it said that a married man will pursue a woman harder and more intensely than she’s ever experienced before.  Duh!  They’re married.  They know if they treated us like the single jerks do, we wouldn’t give them the time of day.  They will say things like “I’m falling in love with you” and “You’re the woman I should have married.”  They’ll send you love notes, play songs they say reminds them of you, and tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen.  You will begin to feel sorry for this poor, romantic, love-starved man.  What a cold bitch his wife must be!  He deserves so much better!  And if the perfect storm exists - his overwhelming need for fulfillment outside of his marriage + your need for validation and love + intense attraction + opportunity - watch out! You’ll believe his lies, envision a future with him, and more than likely will fall completely in love.  Poor girl.  I hate to tell you this, but you are not different.  Your love isn’t “special.”  You are NOT the exception to the rule.  Here are the three things that will happen:  (1) He will NOT leave his wife for you.  And if he does (which he won’t) or if his wife finds out and leaves him (which she most likely won’t), (2) you’ll suddenly turn into the bitch who made him leave his family and lose half of his stuff (and 90% of the time your relationship is doomed) or (3) you’ll become the vehicle he used to realize he wanted out of his marriage.  Think of yourself as a rental car he used to get from point A to point B.  No one ends up purchasing their rental car at the end of the trip.  It’s not even an option in the contract.  I know several men who fall into one of these three categories of married cheaters.  I know of NONE who married their mistresses and lived happily ever after.  To think that’s possible is to believe a dating fairy tale.  So here’s the moral of the story:  Avoid the married man at all costs!  ‘Nuff said.

7.  “The Prematurely Loving Guy” - Eeeeewwww!  This one is just plain icky.  He’s the guy who uses terms of endearment like “baby,” “beautiful,” and “honey” within five minutes of knowing you.  Here's the deal:  He does it because it’s what he thinks women will respond to.  If you are even slightly tempted to think you’re the only female he talks to in this way, let me assure you that you are not.  We women all dream of a loving man who will truly believe that we are beautiful and shower us with affectionate nicknames.  If he’s remotely worth his weight in salt, and he’s authentically crazy about you, he’ll wait a bit before he shows you this side of himself.  Anything else is false intimacy and he’s attempting to manipulate you.  Which is just plain creepy.

8.  “The Emotionally Needy Guy” - Every man needs a bit of reassurance that the woman he’s interested in likes him in return.  And it’s your job to let him know he’s not wasting his time.  This isn’tbeing emotionally needy.  The type of guy I’m referring to here is the one who needs constant validation.  He’s not doing it to make sure you like him.  Nope.  In fact, it has little to do with you.  This guy is USING you to stroke his ego.  He’ll say things like, “How do you feel about me?,”  “Do you want to see me again?,”  and “I wish I knew how much you liked me.”  A real man will tell you he enjoys your company and wants to see you again.  And then he’ll wait (with his fingers crossed behind his back) for your positive feedback and encouragement.  This is the type of guy you want.  Do not confuse him with “The Emotionally Needy Guy.”  All he wants is for you to prove yourself and your feelings to him.  And if you don’t, or when he’s conquered you and gets bored, he’ll be off to the next girl who makes him feel good about himself.

9.  “The Mother Issues Guy” - Oh, is this one ever tricky.  And he comes in many shapes and sizes.  There’s “The Too Much Mother Guy” and “The Not Enough Mother Guy.”  We all know “The No Woman Will Live Up To My Perfect Mother Guy” and “The Every Woman Is Evil Because My Mother Was Evil Guy.”  If only it were as simple as determining if he’s a “Mama’s Boy” or not!  And this bad guy is only exposed after very careful examination and a thorough investigation of his family dynamics.  I’m pretty convinced that the number one biggest factor in determining how a man will treat a woman is based on how he views his mother.  Look for a man who loves and respects his mother.  BUT (and this is important), he should also have the ability to see her as she is - imperfect and capable of making a mistake or two.  Never get seriously involved with or marry a man who sees his mother as “flawless.”  If there’s ever an issue between you and her, you’ll lose.  Every time.

10.  “The Selfish Guy” - Unless you are a masochist or have the patience of a saint, flee flee flee from this one.  We’ve all experienced him.  He’s the guy who thinks only of himself, who will always put his needs before yours (or will grumble whenever he does occasionally “compromise”), and will insist on having things his way.  He may be selfish with his time, his emotions, and/or his money.  He’ll want you to absorb into his life instead of working to co-create a balanced partnership with you.  In addition, he may also have the constant need to be the center of attention.  Great.  You’ll end up being his little side-kick who’s along for the ride.  It amazes me how many people - men and women alike - are truly selfish.  We all have a tendency to put ourselves and our feelings first, but one of the great joys of relationships is the opportunity to nurture and care for another person.  Very few of us will tolerate selfishness in our friendships.  So why do we accept it in our romantic relationships?  If he’s not meeting your emotional needs, or if you’re giving more than you’re receiving, please do the following:  Yell “NEXT!” at the top of your lungs and move the heck on.

I’m not a particularly religious person, but there’s a Bible verse I really like and think is appropriate to share here.  It goes like this:  “Do not throw your pearls before swine.”  I believe that every “good woman” is a pearl - a unique and precious gem that deserves to be prized and esteemed.  When we give ourselves to men who do not appreciate our value (aka “swine”), we always get hurt.  So what’s a single gal to do?  Here’s my advice:  When you meet a man, don’t rush into anything.  Instead, stop yourself and be sure to “look, listen, and learn.”  Do all of this before you give him your heart, yourself, your “pearl.”  Eventually you’ll know all you need to determine if he’s worthy of you.  And if he’s not, get the hell outta there.

I really liked this article by Jenn Clark, she is funny and I dig her style.  More articles of hers here: http://girlsguideto.com/articles/ten-types-of-guys-women-should-avoid-at-all-costs


October 17, 2013

October 18, 2013 ~ Lunar Eclipse Full Moon Libra-Aries - BEING BRAVE IN RELATIONSHIPS!

Okay boys and girls, tomorrow is a Lunar Eclipse Full Moon of Libra-Aries. This means fiery fights, standing up for yourself, arguments in relationships, blow-ups, break ups or intensely getting down to the honest truths that may have been holding you back from having real authentic happy relationships.  At least it's NOT Mercury retrograde until October 21–November 10, 2013.  That's a bonus.


There’s no getting around the fact that this is about relationships, balance, and action. Aries is all about the Self. It’s about acting on behalf of the self, and championing the Cause. Aries is the Knight of the Zodiac, taking action. It is a cleansing fire, centered in the heart when things are as they should be. We all have Aries somewhere in our charts; each of us is a hero or heroine. Where this eclipse affects us personally depends in where Aries is in our charts.

Our adrenals may be getting a workout now. Change is threatening for some, and can bring out fight/flight responses. The Moon is the emotional self, and all sorts of childhood emotional wounds and habits can be brought into focus now. Relationships are the territory where this work is done. The Sun is in Libra, and as the earth moves between these two luminaries, it creates shadow. Blame can go around. Eclipses are themselves shadows, and so the Shadow may be projected out. Try to stay with what has truth and meaning—it is the only way. We just can’t get around this one. Only through. And on the other side? Only Time will tell, but I think it’s gonna be good!

With Mars opposite Neptune, there can be confusion, but it also magic and spirit. We are to not only use our intellects, but our intuition as well, which is strong. We must be wary at this time about over-sacrifice, as this is the tendency of both Libra and Neptune. Truly, there is a balancing act going on right now between the needs of the Self and the need to relate. Our individual experience matters. Eclipses bring things into states of radical change and super focus. Their results are usually quite unexpected! But when we ourselves are in alignment with our own inner truth, the outcome will also be in alignment. Indeed, this is a moment to bring things back into integrity. Crisis is also opportunity.

There are 3 more eclipses coming up, the next one is a solar eclipse on Nov 3. This means there is big change in the air. It may be experienced as an agitating, roiling emotional energy. Our hearts flutter, our bellies are uneasy. Sleep may be disrupted, dream life activated. Action is required, but with the Neptune/Mars in Virgo contact, it is action with compassion.

It is about how we direct our energies. We must feel with our bodies and hearts into what is the right action. The movement is like a flood, and we must respond to it. We must trust Life, trust ourselves. Deep down, we know exactly what to do. The Uranus/Pluto square perfects Nov 1st. This is another activating energy for both collective and personal change. 

Bella Christina explains it well here:
This full moon lunar eclipse in Aries will bring about sudden changes. Lunar Eclipses are the wild cards of full moons, expect some surprises. Aries is a fire sign and is ruled by the planet Mars. Mars is the planet of action, courage, passion, battle, sexuality, competition and drive. It is our warrior planet. This full moon in Aries calls for us to be Spiritual Warriors. We must have the courage in our lives to move forward and live our truth.

You may face sudden changes or surprising developments during this full moon. Relationships of all types will be the focus. Emotions may come to the surface easily. Also, anger or frustration may come up, let go of this in a healthy way through exercise or meditation. Deep breathing in and out can help with anxiety and stress during this intense full moon.

Also, full moons are a time of releasing. Letting go of old thoughts, patterns and habits that no longer contribute to your Spiritual Growth. Writing down what no longer serves you on a piece of paper, then burning this either in a fireplace or outside in a chiminea....letting go of any burdens, blocks and unhealthy patterns in your life.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of this Full Moon ~ take a salt soak : 2 cups sea salt or epsom salt in warm soak for 20 minutes, then Cool shower off. Also, if you are pressed for time you can just cool shower off to cleanse your aura and energetic body.  Make sure to drink plenty of water during this Full Moon lunar eclipse in Aries. This will cool off the excessive fire and intensity of this moon.


Hang onto your hats folks, and enjoy the ride!  While the shit starts to fly, please remember to be gentle with yourselves and one another.

October 3, 2013

My Mo Jo is working it's way back....



OMG, I got on the scale this morning and I have officially lost 10 pounds total in the last two weeks.  I lost 3 ½ inches last week, so I’ll take my measurements tonight for the weekly update.  I have been eating thick cut, fancy pants BACON every day!  This Ketogenic lifestyle is really working for me. I even drank vodka all last Saturday during Fogfest with Hansen's Diet Soda Mixers.  I have not exercised at all the last two weeks.  Did you know Tequila, Vodka, Gin and even Whiskey have NO CARBS?  You don't burn fat when you drink them, but they won't take you out of Ketosis. It's all about keeping your insulin levels low so your body burns it's own fat for fuel.

It has been weird to eat so much fat every day, but that is the key to the success of this.  Eating Fat does NOT make you Fat, as long as you keep your intake of carbohydrates low.  The part that amazes me most is, eating rich fat full foods is very satisfying and makes you full on much smaller portions of what you ate before, eating flour and sugar and high carbs.  The New Atkins plan is much better than the old one.  I'm eating High Fat, Medium Protein and Small Carbs, that's it.  I'm not eating as big of portions of food, just smaller, richer flavorful ones.  Maybe the French had it right after all?  

I have had a lifelong struggle with food and my body image and it has been very liberating to feel like I have control and comfort in this area of my life, once and for all.  This is not a diet.  It’s a lifestyle, which is much easier to live with. My blood sugar is balanced.  I have a Blood Glucose and Ketone Monitor I am using to test where I am at daily.  What about cholesterol you ask? According to the Senior Scientist Ronald Krauss, MD, the man behind the research on LDL (bad cholesterol) size, low-carb is better!    I also have noticed my mood and hormones feel much more stable as well.

For years I would lower my calorie intake and be hungry all of the time.  I was eating high carbohydrate fresh vegetables and high sugar fresh fruits, and not losing much fat and feeling hungry all the time.  I would crave fried foods, dairy, and sugar.  It was torture.  How I thought about it made it rough too.  I would have a date in mind, a weight loss deadline and I would starve myself to stay motivated and ramp up my exercise to make my goal.  I usually did, but as soon as I got off the “Diet”, I went right back to eating and drinking the same things that got me to that fat place.  I would always gain back the weight I lost, plus ten pounds.  Deprivation doesn’t work for me. 

Years of losing large amounts of weight for special occasions, abusing diet pills to be able to function on 800 - 1200 calories per day was what I did for 30 years.  I like fresh live juicing for a cleanse and detox once in a while when I can take time off of work to do it.  It's not something one can do for long periods.  A low-fat, vegetarian diet is torture, I don't care what you say.  It's the best way to abuse pasta, rice and other high carbs to make up for the lack of satiety you get from eating meat proteins and fat. You can only drink so much water to fill you up before you need to install a toilet at your desk. 

I felt like hell and laid awake at night while Escargot in garlic butter and Filet Mignon smothered in Bearnaise sauce haunted in my dreams.  I loved the Fen-Phen days… I never was hungry.  I stayed at my goal weight as long as I was taking the pills.  I never slept, I bruised very easy and I would find myself obsessively scrubbing the bathroom tiles at 4:00am.  I was strung out on Amphetamines, chewing my lips all the time.  I looked good, but was horribly unhealthy.  I had to buy scar coverage make-up to cover the bruises I would get on my legs just from touching them.  It was sad.  

Then Fen-Phen was taken off the market and I gained all the weight back plus more! Beautiful skinny woman are cranky and bitchy because THEY ARE HUNGRY DAMMIT, or they are on DRUGS!  You might think having a slender girlfriend is great and all, but they ain't fun to be around when they are obsessed with their bodies and being driven insane by our culture of what successful women should look like in today's standards.  They are starving or that sound you may remember hearing in the bathroom late at night after you fell asleep, is the art of quiet vomiting.  Purging is for the professionals, the women who must stay skinny for their profession.  Ask any model.  It's rough being a modern day girl.  

A very wise weight loss coach told me once, “If you can’t maintain it, you can’t sustain it.”  Meaning, if you can’t keep it up long term, you will just keep doing this same thing that is not working over and over.  A model does need her esophagus to work long term, and not corrode from bile damage.  It's not like AA and you don't ever drink again, one has to eat to survive.  The short term diet is the problem.  That is why Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, Medi-fast, Raw Food Diet, Live Juicing, HGG Diet and the million others don't work long term.  Finding a lifestyle that you can live with, still enjoy eating and have balance is what has finally happened with me.  It took me this many years to finally get it. I know a couple friends that are doing great on Weight Watchers, but it never worked for me.  I like the support from people I met at the meetings, weighing in to be accountable, bit felt deprived and crazy the whole time. Every body is different, you have to find what works for you long term.

If it takes me two years to get to my goal weight, I am fine with that, it's just going to take as long as it's going to take.  I am over being obsessed with weighing myself, and weighing my food, and riding an extra 30 mins. on the bike to burn the small caloric indulgence I had.  No more insanity.  I am looking forward to not being judged by people for being overweight either.  People are cruel and are mean too overweight folks.  If you have never been 50 or 100 pounds overweight and think you have advise for a fat person, keep it to yourself or GO FUCK YOURSELF.  They don't need to hear it.  You are not helping.  Listen to someone who has lost 180 pounds and has a great online radio show for support and education.

Losing weight and keeping it off for life is a very personal thing. Even after losing only ten pounds, I feel better all over.  My joints aren't as achy, and my back is not stabbing me with as much pain this week.  I have more clarity and strength. I know it's only ten pounds and I'm ranting, but these ten pounds are not coming back, it's different.  I'll keep you updated on my progress and start posting some photos as the changes become more visual.  I hope my progress will inspire you if you are struggling finding your balance too.

I am shopping for a nice used treadmill to add to my daily routine of walking/ running even when the weather is yucky out, I can always jump on the treadmill and bust out 30 mins., deep incline while listening to my favorite Pod-casts.  Lord knows it's going to be dark outside at 5:00pm very soon, the holiday's are coming and I can eat all the high fat Appetizers wrapped in bacon, Prime Rib, Turkey, Creamed Spinach, Cream Gravies and many other yummy holiday foods without feeling afraid of gaining a pound.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am in control of my own ass.  It feels fabulous!  It's a start, and my Mo Jo is working it's way back.


If you or someone you know suffers from Epilepsy, please let them know about this, millions of people have ended their seizures by living a Ketogenic lifestyle, it was designed for them.  If you want to learn more about the Ketogenic lifestyle, here is a list of books and some videos to watch:

Videos:
Dr. Mary Vernon, MD: Low Carb Explained
 
Duke University's Dr. Eric Westman: The Science and Practice of Low-Carb Diets

  
Books (All of these are on Kindle):