Monogamy & Scars...

Someone shared a personal story with me the other day.  For too many years, many of his close friends were sneaking around cheating on their spouses and lying about it.  Then to relieve their guilty consciouses, they told him what they were secretly doing.  He became the unwitting keeper of secrets and it was seriously stressing him out.  He didn’t know how to support his friends in their unhappy marriages, so he just tried to do the best he could expecting there was a change coming and he would support whatever they decided to do.

He said it sucked even worse when they would drag him into it and then they expected him to cover for them and lie for them, especially when they were cheating with other friends he knew, worked with and cared about.  He would be at a party and they ALL would be there in this insane nerve racking soap operatic facade and he would just bite his tongue and try not to bleed to death.  He started to feel icky because by being a "Loyal friend" and not ratting them out, he felt just as guilty or worse than his dishonest friends.  

He said some of these folks either left their spouses for the new squeeze and they ended up together and happy, and he tried not to take sides even if he was closer to one more than the other in the divorce, and some got caught cheating and went back to their spouses and tried to repair the damage. These situations were the hardest because of all of the fall out with everyone involved. 

His main issue was how in the end these friends after they had made their decisions after their indiscretions were settled, they would either resent him for not being there for them enough during their crisis’s, or he would be blamed by the spouse for not ratting out the cheater, or just separate from their friendship completely. They threw him under the bus and went back into their lives and acted like it never happened in hopes they would not be reminded about the whole fiasco.  He said many of these friendships were severely damaged or lost because of the lack of ability to see all the causalities their deceptive acts involved.  The repair and accountability isn’t just about the couples involved, it includes all the friends they dragged into it as well.  I didn’t have anything enlightening to tell him because I could totally relate and don’t have a clue.

I was married before and found out my spouse was cheating on me too once.  I was young.  I didn’t have kids with the guy. He had done it more than once so, I kicked his lying ass to the curb.   Everyone makes mistakes, but if you can’t face your own and take complete responsibility for them with everyone you got involved in it, those friendships die, especially if you don’t have any form of communication.

I feel for the ones who get cheated on in marriages and the ones who get left behind too.  Betrayal sucks and is very hard to get over.  We never really get to hear or know both sides of the story when things go wrong, we usually only hear one side.  I know I have mistakenly accused people of wrongs in the past.  I unfortunately believed all the crap I was being told by the very manipulator that started the whole mess to begin with.  I am very sorry to one lady out there for doing just that recently. 

I think true love is being able to forgive the indiscretions and forgive everyone who was involved so that eventually when you see one another face to face, you realize it was all meant to be to strengthen the relationship, or clean it up, and it becomes water under the bridge.  I forgave my husband at the time, but I also knew he couldn’t help his wandering dick.  He never planned on confessing, I always found out the hard way.  He liked the attention he got from women and flirting and the feeling he got from "The Chase" and being sneaky.  

He was very charming, but very manipulative to women, especially fragile ones.  Either I was going to have to be okay with it and we allow one another to be more open in our marriage agreement occasionally, or I was going to just move on and keep myself respect which I am glad I did because he didn’t want to open our marriage up a little and didn’t ever want me to be with anyone else, but it was okay for him to do it.  As things fell apart, he was physically abusive to me in the end.  I sure as shit don't tolerate that. The divorce was a blessing.

I think some people can have addictions to philandering and want to be monogamous creatures but after they get into it they realize they are incapable.  I have great respect for folks that realize this truth for themselves and graciously move on and are still able to remain friends with their former spouses.  I think the only way you can have a true friendship, is by being completely honest with each other, married or not.  Any friendship requires that, but there is a fine line on what you honestly should tell a close friend, if you do indeed care about them and your friendship. It's not nice to expect them to help you bury the bodies and share in your crimes.

The best unions I have seen are good friends first that live together and never get married to one another, or if they do - much later in the relationship.  I think the only reason to get legally married is if you want to have children, and you sure need to be good friends to do that.  I have seen some great parents who have raised some amazing kids.  I can say I did know great love once, I wasn't married to him either. I call it great because it was the only time I ever honestly was brave enough to open my heart to someone that I believed honestly loved me the same way too, until he didn't.  It was the most valuable experience of my life, and the hardest to lose.  I am a torch singer after all.

Etheric Megaphones...

I feel like I have been a catalyst for change this year.  Consciously or unconsciously helping people to move on to the next steps in their lives, it also has been happening to me. 

Most all of my life, I have had weight issues and eating disorders due to the need to protect myself, like an insulation from all of the stuff going on around me.  I know people that have been through spiritual and psychic training courses who want to be psychic.  I unfortunately was born this way, and I see WAY TOO MUCH. 

I see more than I want to see in others around me, their past, their possible futures, their secrets, it is exhausting.  It emotionally and ethically takes it's toll on ones heart, friendships and life, it sucks.  If you really could see what is all around you, right now where you are sitting reading this, you would freak.  You are never alone, EVER.  There are “Things”, dead people, and other stuff occupying the same space all around you that you can’t see with the naked eye. Having this awareness is a curse.  Be thankful that you can't see it because if you could, you would never get undressed or sleep again! 

I'm am Empath and have the wiring of a "Spiritual Medium", this REALLY SUCKS.  Not only do I experience the feelings of the living, but the dead as well.  I have to take sleeping pills and listen to loud music to be able to fall asleep every night.  Waking up with a crowd around you is no picnic either.  The way I mainly have coped with this is by trying to emotionally separate myself from most everyone around me so I can decompress from the overwhelm I experience most days.  Over the years, I have learned to distract myself from it and separate from my body to shut it down so I could try to live a normal life.  This has cost me much grief, stress and loneliness.  I have learned how to spiritually protect myself and have better boundaries than in my earlier days, but as I have gotten older it has gotten stronger and harder for me to control.

As you can imagine, I'm single for a good reason.  Too much stress and a lard ass.  I am hopeful.  I know there is a big funny guy out there looking for a really weird girl like me who is bored out of his gourd and would totally love to share in my wacky world, and he wouldn't even flinch if I told him all this stuff.  He's out there somewhere.  I have custom designed artistic shipping container home plans and am looking for build-able land somewhere far from from the city, where I can get away from people out in nature so I can escape all the intensity and work from home and share it with someone special. I love to spend much time in city life, but can't live in it. 

I like fine dining.  Rich foods are a comfort to me, and have been there for me in my solitude from the insanity going on all around me.  I just gave up on dieting, it never worked for me.  The weight piled on, as one would expect living as I was.  It’s as if I have walked through my life, especially the last couple years, as an observer not engaging in my life.  I see and feel too much all around me, all of the time now.  I don’t have the anxiety I used to have about it, so that’s a plus.

The other bonus is, since this seems to be ramping up with age, I am getting clearer guidance, or more like, I can hear clear coaching and I really like the advice I’m getting.  I think some people call this God or their “Guides”, to me it feels like I have a crack team of experts with megaphones giving me helpful tips when I really need it.  I certainly haven’t listened to them in the past.  Sometimes my ego, or anger, or disappointment would get the best of me and I would make bad decisions that would just make things worse.  I learn the hard way, it’s a tough process. 

The “Etheric Megaphones” steered me in a new eating direction.  I have been enjoying a Nutritional Ketogentic eating lifestyle and dropping weight and feeling amazing!  I still eat the rich foods I enjoy, and by doing so have converted my bodies system to burn fat, lowering my insulin levels and balancing my blood sugar. It's high fat, medium protein and low in carbohydrates.  

It’s a fringe eating lifestyle that is not very accepted by the main stream medical world yet, but I have 7 books I have been reading and found numerous doctors on Youtube that highly support this, and I am willing to test it out on myself.  There are millions of people out there who are living this way and are having outstanding results in weight-loss, keeping the weight off long term and have more energy and strength. So we will see.  I just want to feel good in my body again and be able to have a better quality of life in the last half of it.  Total body strength and weight resistance training are next on the menu for me.

The bigger more challenging next step is to find someone with integrity that I can talk to about how to live with daily psychic overwhelm, figure out what I'm supposed to do with this curse/gift and find better ways to insulate myself as my ass begins to take a slimmer sexier shape again and my body comes back into balance.

Transits & Nerves....

This is my big interview bonanza week.  I am in my 3^rd round of interviews for one great "Healthcare Ethics" position and a 2^nd round of interviews for another great job too!  The stars are aligned for me, and it feels like I will get one of these positions.  I'm not kidding when I said my stars are aligned, check these current transits out:

(Sep 15, 2013 to Sep 30, 2013) Jup Sqr Asc ~ A very promising opportunity:  

Someone is likely to offer you a very promising opportunity at this time, or you may have an offer for someone else that you think will be mutually beneficial. The offer seems like a "deal" that can lead to tremendous growth and success, and yet you wonder if it is too good to be true. Because there are risks involved, it is impossible to know whether the offer will work out well, and you consequently are likely to feel uncertain what to do. In truth, there is definitely the potential for opening up new avenues for success and fulfillment, but there is also a tendency to overshoot the mark due to overoptimism and a willingness to gamble and speculate. The best course is usually to proceed with some kind of plan, but to thoroughly investigate all details as much as possible, and to avoid wild speculation.

and then...

(Oct 4, 2013 to Dec 10, 2013)   Jup Conj MC ~ NEW JOB!

    A fortunate change of circumstances occurs in your work and career! You may receive a promotion, a job offer, a large contract, or salary increase. In one way or other, you step out of a situation that had become limiting and restrictive.  Don't wait for everything to fall in your lap. This is a good time to investigate new avenues for growth in career, to interview for a new job, and explore alternative solutions to finding fulfilling and satisfying employment. You may be surprised to hit upon something that is very good.

    The most negative tendency of this astrological influence is to be overly optimistic and consequently overextend yourself. For example, if you have your own business, you may invest too much money in advertising and promotion, or you may invest in an expansion project that exceeds available funds. This is a good time, but do not exaggerate the possibilities and potential in the new opportunities!

Oct 15, 2013    (Oct 13, 2013 to Nov 28, 2013)  ~ Jup 10th H.
Opportunities for advancement in your profession or for achieving some important goal or aspiration are likely at this time. If you have been working diligently, this is a time of public recognition for your efforts and an enhanced reputation. On the other hand, you may begin to feel cramped in the area you are working in presently, discovering that it doesn't have enough scope, in which case, you may change directions and begin a new, more promising line of endeavor. This is a good time to make such changes. You have more trust and faith that you can accomplish your dreams.

Oct 19, 2013    (Oct 11, 2013 to Oct 28, 2013)   ~ Sat Sxtil Plu
Dedication and commitment to work and relationships are key issues now. Excellent cooperation on important tasks is highlighted. In close personal relationships, you reach an even deeper mutual appreciation and understanding, and you are now able to assist each other more and work together more honestly and sincerely. Business relationships also work well now. Business meetings progress well because the different parties involved better appreciate the deeper concerns and issues at hand.  Your reliability, consistency, and dedicated work is appreciated, and you may receive recognition or a promotion now. This is a positive time for you when other people and situations assist you in accomplishing the tasks that are really important to you. Big breakthroughs and celebrations are not indicated; the effects are more subtle, but still very important. This is a time of quiet and deep, purposeful activity.
 

I just wish my friggin eye would stop twitching. 

Bill Hicks was totally right....

The world is like a ride in an amusement park and when we choose to go on it we think it's real, because thats's how powerful our minds are. And it goes up and down and round and round, it has thrills and chills and its very brightly colored and very loud, and it's fun - for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time and after a while they begin to question: Is this real, or is it just a ride? But some people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say. "Hey, don't worry and don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride" - and we kill those people...

"Shut him up! Ive got a lot invested in this ride... Look at my furrows of worry... Look at my big bank account... Look at my family... This has to be real"

But it's just a ride.

But we always kill those good guys who try to tell us that and we let the demons run amok. But it doesnt matter, because it's just a ride - and we can change it any time we want.

All we need is the choice.

No effort, no work, no job, no savings or money - just a choice - right now - between fear & love.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns and and close yourself off, the eyes of love instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world to a better ride right now. Take all the money we spend on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded and we can explore space...

together...

both inner and outer...

forever...

...in peace.

 - Bill Hicks (1961 - 1994 R.I.P.)

Spiritual Reality Power Of Meditation

Watch this to the end......

MUST WATCH ~ Edgar Cayce on Human Origins Video's!

These are the most comprehensive words I have heard about our human origins.  Mighty good stuff in here:

Must See Videos about the New Hybrid Children

I'm heading outta town...

I just set up my work email auto response:

I'm out of the office far, far away. No cell phones work where I am, no internet, not even pigeons fly in this altitude.   I will be frolicking in nature and unreachable.  I will return to the office on Tuesday 06/04/12 hopefully refreshed and perky.

If you have anything urgent that can't wait until Tuesday, please contact ____________________and she will help you.

See you when I return.

 

New Moon Solar Eclipse ~ Strengthening our Sense of Security

Tomorrow we have a New Moon Solar Eclipse on May 9th, 2013 and it occurs in the sign of Taurus. This is a particularly powerful New Moon as it is a Solar Eclipse. The New Moon in Taurus is a good time to commit to personal goals that express the positive energies of the sign of the Bull. It's time to enjoy life's simple and physical pleasures--savor good food, and enjoy activities that bring us in touch with nature and with our bodies. It's time to stop and smell the roses, and to become more aware of what makes us feel comfortable and secure. With this potent Taurus energy, we have the chance to make important changes in our lives. It's time to make some solid yet realistic plans, and to set the stage for reaping the rewards from our new beginnings, as little or big as they may be, in approximately two weeks' time after the Full Moon occurs. 

The effects of this Solar Eclipse can be felt up to six months after the actual date of the eclipse. In the sign of Taurus, matters related to personal finances, values, matters of ownership, physical and material resources, personal possessions, feelings of worthiness, desire for safety and security, resistance to change, comfort, sensuality, and familiarity will be a strong focus on a personal level. This eclipse is about new beginnings regarding all of these matters. 

Occurring in Taurus, this eclipse is about strengthening our sense of security. It is a time for re-evaluating our relationship with money and possessions and discovering what it is that truly makes us happy and fulfilled. It's a time for considering new ways of increasing our income or earning power. We should be concentrating on what it is we can do to increase our own feelings of self-worth.  We are asked to get in touch with what it is that we truly value and want in our lives, and to part with those things or situations that are not contributing to our feelings of worthiness.

This includes identifying those things that give us a false sense of security. Sometimes eclipses bring about events that force us into this position of re-evaluation. For example on a mundane level, someone might need to move to a smaller place that requires downsizing of personal possessions; another might be in the position to pay out a large sum that necessitates an adjustment of spending habits; another might need to deal with an audit or back taxes; and the list goes on.

We might evaluate where we have been complicating our lives by our love-hate attraction to predicament and conflict or by an addiction to food or comfort items and consider what truly makes us feel content and comfortable. Knowing what it is that truly - deeply - makes us feel comfortable and pleased ultimately improves our intimate relationships.

For a more in-depth look at this week go here.

How to begin to end violence and abuse to women in our culture.

Everyone out there, watch this!  He REALLY is right on.  I hope every man out there see this and think about empowering themselves to become great leaders.

April 25, 2013 - Scorpio Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Frustrations!

Tomorrow, April 25, 2013 - 12:58 PM PDT / 3:58 PM EDT / 7:58 PM GMT - 6  Taurus 45 / 6 Scorpio 45

OMFG, no doubt that I have been feeling the effects of these powerful unnerving transits.  

* The last 3 1/2 weeks highlights, I break out in a chronic sore throat that turns into deep bronchial coughing.  The lab results say no infection, they say it's viral but for almost a month?  I still manage to sing in a wedding and then entirely lose my voice for the next 2 days.  

* I find my 13 year old cat has been attacked by a frigging Racoon and has a big bloody gash on the side of her body, she is okay, but had to be rushed to the emergency pet hospital for care and antibiotics.

* My car won't start, needs $700 worth of repairs.  

* 3 days later, a flat tire....

It has been one unexpected unnerving thing after another. How about you?  Are you feeling this in your life? Hang in there friends.  I found this article very helpful.  I hope you will too.

This week’s Scorpio Full Moon opens a landscape-altering gauntlet of eclipses and revolutionary convulsions and contractions. It is the first of four monumental events that will reboot and reshape our circumstances, attitudes and perspective between now and the end of May.

The spring’s eclipses are a major gear shift in our focus:  from reconsidering our communication flow, our technology, what we believe about ourselves, our country, laws and foreigners, and how our thoughts and filters mold what we experience to revisitng and rethinking resources, money, possessions — along with who owns what, how we share or combine resources and what we get back — and death, taxes, lizard-brain cravings, terrors and impulses, and other primal matters we prefer to keep private.

We last went through this gear shift from late 1993 to early 1994, but without the intensity, confusion and volatility that are in play now.

Long-standing or long-simmering developments are igniting and blowing structures apart — buildings, human lives, relationships, our sense of safety and privacy, and ways we have always gone about things (which has the most positive potential of this list).

This is one of those times that divides life into before and after, and people are extremely uncomfortable, in ways and for reasons we can’t entirely put into words. We’re seeing things we didn’t before. Some of what we’re seeing isn’t as it seems. Misdirection, smoke screens, fear and paranoia are rampant. The same influences that have unleashed those guys are also opening each of us to our own power, our own truth and our own connection to [insert name for higher power of choice].

The four big astrological events are the Scorpio lunar eclipse on April 25, the Taurus solar eclipse on May 9, the next Uranus/Pluto square on May 21, and the Sagittarius lunar eclipse on May 24. They are operating as a cluster, one enormous complicated combination of launchings and endings and reshapings.

Their destabilizing, demanding pressure has been building and affecting us for weeks. It has been an undercurrent while a pile-up of planets in the sign of Aries, from the first day of spring through April 19, awakened and fueled raging life force, assertiveness, aggression, anger, radicalism and sparks of all kinds. The final aspect in this fiery lineup was a clarion call for this eclipse gauntlet. The last two bodies to clear out of the sign, the Sun and Mars (ruler of Aries and the guy who makes things happen), met on their way out by degree and by declination during the week of April 15.

Throughout our lifetimes, the Sun’s passage through the last degrees of Aries has coincided with eruptions and violence (the Texas City explosion, the Branch Davidian siege in Waco, not far from last week’s fertilizer plant explosion, the Oklahoma City bombing, the shootings at Columbine and Virginia Tech.) This year, Mars  traveled those degrees energized and radicalized by Uranus — which we have not experienced in our lives — so when he conjoined the Sun in Aries for the first time since the early 80s…well, the phrase “all hell broke loose” would not be off the mark.

And so the volatile gauntlet of the spring was christened — not with a shattering bottle and splashing champagne, but with explosions that left carnage, confusion, speculation and freely roaming terrors in their wake.

Bottom line — a natural point of focus for the Scorpio/Taurus eclipses — the four big events of April and May are reshaping our worlds, radically, profoundly, permanently, inside and out.

The Influence of the Scorpio Lunar Eclipse

This Full Moon occurs in the sign of deepest, most fixed feelings, perceptions and bent for holding on. As we have been seeing, those qualities are hitting the max this time around. A lunar eclipse always supersizes the intensity and flow of emotions and culminations that come with a Full Moon and adds revelations of important factors that previously went unseen or unnoticed.

This one has special characteristics that are emphasizing its Scorpionic bent. The Sun in Taurus is next to Mars, warrior god and traditional ruler of Scorpio. His presence tightens our grip on what we possess (do you hear George Harrison singing “I Me Mine?”), while his ancient tie to Scorpio, and his position opposite the Moon, pulls in inescapable connections and commitments to others.

The Moon in Scorpio is next to Saturn, enforcer of rules, structures, obligations and responsibility, who is in a symbiotic relationship with Pluto, the lord of death and regeneration and the ruler of Scorpio. (This relationship is called mutual reception; it comes from each being in the other’s sign, which brings both into the picture any time one of this is activated.)

The intensity is triple-strength. Reason is on break for the moment. Feelings are deep and enormous, roaring up from the depths of our beings. Stuff is surfacing that scares the daylights out of us. The bottom line, return on investment and cost-benefit analysis factor into every situation into which we have put our time, money, hearts or energy — friendships, business arrangements, social systems. Shortfalls and imbalances are refusing to go quietly back under the carpet. Internal star chambers are holding session and convicting without notice. Guillotines are falling and severing friendships, relationships, connections cleanly but irreparably.

Not to mention what this is doing to desires. Who’s been eating more lately? Carb binging? Running after an object of desire? The Scorpio eclipse is whipping up compulsive behaviors — partially to obliterate the nervous chatter in our minds, partially to ground and pull us back into our bodies.

Further complicating the mix is the open floodgate between the Moon (and Saturn) and the illusion, confusion, magic and wonder of Neptune. This planet’s realm can not be grasped with our hands (except to the extent it’s captured in a bottle, a joint, a pill or a needly.) It’s heightening craziness and misdirection, cloaking agendas, culprits and sources of power, and fueling the bogeyman that are epidemic.

There is also positive in Neptune’s role. Ally with this end and he graces our perceptions, emotions and actions with compassion and a higher understanding. We recognize that other people are in pain, are frightened, are lashing out and clutching because the metaphoric ground is collapsing under them. Instead of demonizing, we see ourselves in others, or at least see others as fellow humans, even if we are choosing to part company. Hard truths can be loving; severances are at least quick and  clean, if not gentle.

The questions stirred by this Moon take on different colors depending on which end of the Neptune spectrum you’re occupying. What’s mine? What’s yours? What’s ours? What am I getting back? What are you taking from me? What’s the cost? What needs to change? To end?

Expect internal clarifying and new certainty, with people and situations leaving your life — or being jettisoned by you — as a result.

Whatever we decide now shapes the new phase in our personal resources, cash, values and bottom line coming with the Taurus New Moon solar eclipse on  May 9.

This great article by By Kathy Biehl

“To find the beloved, you must become the beloved.” - Rumi

The way out of hell is not to seek for love but to see how you are blocking love. You begin by examining what is causing you to seek for love in the first place. First, you must cast off all the loveless images of yourself that you have made. Looking for love, in its truest sense, isn’t about finding someone else; it’s about finding yourself again. You also have to be willing to drop your theories about love, to empty your mind of learned ideas, to let go of old stories, and— as William Blake put it— to “cleanse the doors of perception” so as to let love appear as it really is.

I'm reading: Holden, Robert (2013-03-01). Loveability (Kindle Locations 287-291). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

Ayahuasca ~ Stepping into the fire

I am looking forward to my first Ayahuasca experience very soon.  I just watched this great video, it's inspiring. I look forward to sharing my experience

There is a crack in everything That's how the light gets in...

Leonard Cohen, "Anthem"

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.

I can't run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me.

Ring the bells that still can ring ...

You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.