No matter what age you are if you ask me, dating sucks. The older one gets the more baggage one can accumulate. This means it’s good to be able to spot “Psychosis Compatibility”. I heard it said once, that what was considered, "A phase" in someone's 20's and 30's, if these phases continue into their 40's and 50's +, they then are considered personality disorders. Make a note of that. If someone doesn't think they have any baggage, then you most likely are really dealing with someone out of touch with themselves.
Knowing your own issues and being able to spot someone else’s and share and laugh about them together as you get older is kind of funny, but realistic. I found this article helpful and very true for male or female roles in dating. It's also a good measure to look at yourself and make sure you never become any of these guys.
It’s
not always easy to spot a “bad guy.”
Most of them - upon first glance - look normal, talk normal, and even
act normal. They’ll hold the door open
for you, chew with their mouths closed, and happily buy you a nice dinner. It may take a bit before the horns,
pitchfork, and tail begin to reveal themselves. And let’s just call it out: Women tend to overlook some obvious types of
“bad guys,” usually because we either only see what we want to see or because
we desperately want to believe we’ll be that one woman who will change
them. Uh-oh. This is a sure-fire recipe for relationship
disaster. So as you go about the
business of meeting your soul-mate, let’s explore the ten most common types of
men women should avoid - No matter what.
1. “The Checkered Past Guy” - I love the saying “the
past is prologue.” Very often who a
person was, is who they are, and who they will be. People don’t really change that much. I’m not suggesting that a man has to be
perfect or live in a house with a skeleton-free closet. If he’s over the age of 12, good luck finding
that, sister! And as someone who’s made
her fair share of mistakes, I’m all about second (and third and fourth and
fifteenth) chances. What I’m talking
about is the guy who unapologetically flaunts every bad thing he’s ever done
within five seconds of knowing you. He’s
the one who, on the first date, will tell you about the various women he slept
with and how he cheated on his last girlfriend with the entire staff of “Crazy
Girls.” He’ll probably add, “But that
was a long time ago,” just so you don’t run from the dinner table
screaming. Yah riiiight, buddy. If your new guy admits his every flaw without
getting to know you a bit first, he’s subconsciously telling you, “I’m a ‘bad
guy.’ Stay away.” If you accept all of this and tell him it’s
all OK, part of him will wonder what’s wrong with you that you’d accept such a
loser. A good guy won’t be perfect. But he’ll take a bit to show you his mistakes
and flaws. He will not wear them like a
badge of honor.
2. “The Player Guy” - There are two types of
“players” out there: The former player
who is now looking to settle down and the perennial player who has no intention
of settling down. Ever. The former is not necessarily a “bad
guy.” He’s sown his oats and is tired of
the game. He’s looking for stability and
a woman he can relax with. Here’s the rub: If you are aware of his past, it can be very
difficult to distinguish between the two.
I have a theory you might find useful when confronted with a “player
guy.” I believe that the player who will
eventually be a decent partner truly loves women. And that guy who will always be a cheating,
manipulating sack o’ shit? He secretly
despises them. Don’t pay too much
attention to what he says. The “bad guy”
will lie without hesitation. He’ll tell
you what you want to hear - that he’s tired of being single, that he wants a
relationship. This, my dear, is utter
B.S., so don’t get sucked in. Instead,
look at his actions. Does he make you feel
insecure or bad about yourself when you’re around him? Does he constantly check out other women
and/or comment on them in your presence?
Does he do things that degrade you such as talking to you as if you’re a
little girl or feeding you directly off his fork? If so, RUN.
This guy is bad news. The
reformed player is a different story. If
you meet one of those, more than likely he won’t even mention his “past.” Mostly because he doesn’t want to scare you
off.
3. “The Not Over His Ex Guy” - Oh man, how bad is this
guy? It’s been my experience that every
man has one woman in his life who devastated him/broke his heart/got away. And woe to the woman who steps onto his path
before he’s fully over her. She will
never, can’t ever, live up to the image of the near perfect GODDESS who crushed
him. I’ve found that most guys will talk
about this pretty openly. Watch
carefully when he tells you about her.
If he says, “Yeah, she broke my heart,” and tears start to form in his
eyes, it’s not because he’s sweet and sensitive. It’s because he’s not over her
yet. I suggest you quickly thank him for
dinner/the movie/etc, grab your handbag, and make your way to the nearest
emergency exit. Don’t worry about the
sirens going off - they’ll be a signal to all the other ladies within his reach
that he ain’t ready for nobody else.
4. “The Funny Guy” - It’s not a huge shocker that
most women want a man who makes them laugh.
As we all know, having a good sense of humor is one of the most coveted
traits in a mate. Where you need to be
careful is what he thinks is funny. If
his “jokes” are at your expense and are hurtful, that just isn’t cool. I read somewhere that if a man is super
sarcastic with a woman right away, he’s not trying to impress her. Personally, I’m down with a bit o’ sarcasm. I like it when my guy and I can tease each
other in a good-hearted way. But if it
crosses the line and makes you feel bad, let him know. If he’s a good guy and truly cares about you,
he’ll check himself. If he does it
again, dump him. He’s using his “sense
of humor” to be hurtful. And that’s
never a laughing matter.
5. “The Freight Train Guy” - Oh, how I love this
one. He’s a lot of fun, isn’t he? At least at first. He’s the guy who will move in on you faster
than a speeding bullet. He’ll want to
spend every free moment he can with you.
He’ll call multiple times a day.
He’ll start talking about a future together before you’ve even gone out
on your first date. And, chances are,
you’ll end up sleeping with him before you know how to spell his last
name. (“Really? You spell ‘Smith’ ‘S-M-Y-T-H-E?’ I had no idea…”). I also like to call this one “The
Insta-boyfriend” and 99 times out of 100, he’s full of crap. He’s the type of guy who loves the chase, has
no appreciation for delayed gratification, and will most likely vanish as soon
as you “casually” mention how you need a date for your cousin’s wedding. Talk about a ghost train… So when you hear the “Whoot! Whoot!” of his whistle blown’ as he’s comin’
‘round the track, see if you can’t get him to slow down a bit. If he refuses to linger at your station until
you feel safe enough to board, let him go.
Rest assured he would have moved
along anyway, dropping you off at his next stop and picking up another
passenger before you’d even stepped down onto the platform.
6. “The Married Guy” - When the women I talk to
open up, I mean REALLY open up, I’ve been stunned at how many have fallen prey
to the charms of this most dangerous of all bad guys. Don’t be naive or righteous, sweet sister,
any woman, given the right set of circumstances, can become his victim. Why?
Because he’s good. Real
good. If a toxic, single guy can smell a
woman’s vulnerability a county away, a married man can smell it from an
entirely different continent. Perhaps
you’ve gone through a terrible breakup or are in an unhappy relationship
yourself. This slimy snake can
tell. At first he’ll just test the
waters. “Wow. Your boyfriend/husband/etc is the luckiest
guy in the world to have YOU.” And when
you respond with a shrug and a sigh, he’ll know you feel lonely, unloved, and
taken for granted. After that, it’s
“game on.” I’ve heard it said that a
married man will pursue a woman harder and more intensely than she’s ever
experienced before. Duh! They’re married. They know if they treated us like the single
jerks do, we wouldn’t give them the time of day. They will say things like “I’m falling in
love with you” and “You’re the woman I should have married.” They’ll send you love notes, play songs they
say reminds them of you, and tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman
they’ve ever seen. You will begin to
feel sorry for this poor, romantic, love-starved man. What a cold bitch his wife must be! He deserves so much better! And if the perfect storm exists - his
overwhelming need for fulfillment outside of his marriage + your need for
validation and love + intense attraction + opportunity - watch out! You’ll
believe his lies, envision a future with him, and more than likely will fall
completely in love. Poor girl. I hate to tell you this, but you are not
different. Your love isn’t
“special.” You are NOT the exception to
the rule. Here are the three things that
will happen: (1) He will NOT leave his
wife for you. And if he does (which he
won’t) or if his wife finds out and leaves him (which she most likely won’t),
(2) you’ll suddenly turn into the bitch who made him leave his family and lose
half of his stuff (and 90% of the time your relationship is doomed) or (3)
you’ll become the vehicle he used to realize he wanted out of his
marriage. Think of yourself as a rental
car he used to get from point A to point B.
No one ends up purchasing their rental car at the end of the trip. It’s not even an option in the contract. I know several men who fall into one of these
three categories of married cheaters. I
know of NONE who married their mistresses and lived happily ever after. To think that’s possible is to believe a
dating fairy tale. So here’s the moral
of the story: Avoid the married man at
all costs! ‘Nuff said.
7. “The Prematurely Loving Guy” - Eeeeewwww! This one is just plain icky. He’s the guy who uses terms of endearment like
“baby,” “beautiful,” and “honey” within five minutes of knowing you. Here's the deal: He does it because it’s what he thinks women
will respond to. If you are even
slightly tempted to think you’re the only female he talks to in this way, let
me assure you that you are not. We women
all dream of a loving man who will truly believe that we are beautiful and
shower us with affectionate nicknames.
If he’s remotely worth his weight in salt, and he’s authentically crazy
about you, he’ll wait a bit before he shows you this side of himself. Anything else is false intimacy and he’s
attempting to manipulate you. Which is
just plain creepy.
8. “The Emotionally Needy Guy” - Every man needs a bit of
reassurance that the woman he’s interested in likes him in return. And it’s your job to let him know he’s not
wasting his time. This isn’tbeing
emotionally needy. The type of guy I’m
referring to here is the one who needs constant validation. He’s not doing it to make sure you like
him. Nope. In fact, it has little to do with you. This guy is USING you to stroke his ego. He’ll say things like, “How do you feel about
me?,” “Do you want to see me
again?,” and “I wish I knew how much you
liked me.” A real man will tell you he
enjoys your company and wants to see you again.
And then he’ll wait (with his fingers crossed behind his back) for your
positive feedback and encouragement.
This is the type of guy you want.
Do not confuse him with “The Emotionally Needy Guy.” All he wants is for you to prove yourself and
your feelings to him. And if you don’t,
or when he’s conquered you and gets bored, he’ll be off to the next girl who
makes him feel good about himself.
9. “The Mother Issues Guy” - Oh, is this one ever tricky. And he comes in many shapes and sizes. There’s “The Too Much Mother Guy” and “The
Not Enough Mother Guy.” We all know “The
No Woman Will Live Up To My Perfect Mother Guy” and “The Every Woman Is Evil
Because My Mother Was Evil Guy.” If only
it were as simple as determining if he’s a “Mama’s Boy” or not! And this bad guy is only exposed after very
careful examination and a thorough investigation of his family dynamics. I’m pretty convinced that the number one
biggest factor in determining how a man will treat a woman is based on how he
views his mother. Look for a man who
loves and respects his mother. BUT (and
this is important), he should also have the ability to see her as she is -
imperfect and capable of making a mistake or two. Never get seriously involved with or marry a
man who sees his mother as “flawless.”
If there’s ever an issue between you and her, you’ll lose. Every time.
10. “The Selfish Guy” - Unless you are a masochist
or have the patience of a saint, flee flee flee from this one. We’ve all experienced him. He’s the guy who thinks only of himself, who
will always put his needs before yours (or will grumble whenever he does
occasionally “compromise”), and will insist on having things his way. He may be selfish with his time, his
emotions, and/or his money. He’ll want
you to absorb into his life instead of working to co-create a balanced
partnership with you. In addition, he
may also have the constant need to be the center of attention. Great.
You’ll end up being his little side-kick who’s along for the ride. It amazes me how many people - men and women
alike - are truly selfish. We all have a
tendency to put ourselves and our feelings first, but one of the great joys of
relationships is the opportunity to nurture and care for another person. Very few of us will tolerate selfishness in
our friendships. So why do we accept it
in our romantic relationships? If he’s
not meeting your emotional needs, or if you’re giving more than you’re
receiving, please do the following: Yell
“NEXT!” at the top of your lungs and move the heck on.
I’m
not a particularly religious person, but there’s a Bible verse I really like
and think is appropriate to share here.
It goes like this: “Do not throw
your pearls before swine.” I believe
that every “good woman” is a pearl - a unique and precious gem that deserves to
be prized and esteemed. When we give
ourselves to men who do not appreciate our value (aka “swine”), we always get
hurt. So what’s a single gal to do? Here’s my advice: When you meet a man, don’t rush into
anything. Instead, stop yourself and be
sure to “look, listen, and learn.” Do
all of this before you give him your heart, yourself, your “pearl.” Eventually you’ll know all you need to
determine if he’s worthy of you. And if
he’s not, get the hell outta there.
I really liked this article
by Jenn Clark, she is funny and I dig her style. More articles of hers here: http://girlsguideto.com/articles/ten-types-of-guys-women-should-avoid-at-all-costs
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